Category: Parenting

Lying isn’t always done with ulterior motives. Keeping in mind the reasons why kids lie, we can create an environment where they feel safe telling the truth.  

The following seven tips can help you make your home a more honest place. 

1. Keep calm and parent on. 

Watch how you respond to misbehavior and mistakes in your home, whether it’s spilled juice on the carpet or unfinished chores. 

If your kids worry about being yelled at or punished when they mess up, they won’t want to come to you with the truth. 

Focus on using a calm voice – yes, it can be tough, but it’s possible. That doesn’t mean kids are off the hook for lying. But instead of getting angry and assigning blame, discuss solutions to the problem with your child. 

2. Don’t set up a lie. 

If you can see piles of laundry on your daughter’s floor, don’t ask her if she’s cleaned up her room yet. 

When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we’re giving our children the opportunity to tell a lie. Instead, emphasize ways to address the situation. If you know Evan hasn’t touched his homework, ask him, “What are your plans for finishing your homework?” 

Instead of “Where did all this mud come from?” ask, “What can we do to clean this up and make sure it doesn’t happen next time?” 

This can help head off a power struggle and allows your child to save face by focusing on a plan of action instead of fabricating an excuse. 

It also teaches a lesson of what they can do next time – sitting down with homework right after school or taking off their shoes in the mudroom instead of the living room – to avoid problems. 

3. Get the whole truth. 

While we may want to put our child on the spot when we catch them in a lie, accusing or blaming them will only make things worse. 

Getting to the root of the problem and understanding why she couldn’t be honest with you will help you encourage your child to tell the truth in the future. 

Open up a conversation gently, saying, “that sounds like a story to me. You must be worried about something and afraid to tell the truth. Let’s talk about that. What would help you be honest?” 

You can use the information you glean to help her be more truthful in the future. 

4. Celebrate honesty. 

Even if you’re upset that there’s a sea of water on the bathroom floor because your daughter tried to give her dolls a bath in the sink, commend her for coming to you and telling the truth. 

Tell her, “I really appreciate you telling me what really happened. That must have been difficult for you, but I really appreciate you telling the truth and taking responsibility.” 

5. Delight in do-overs. 

Think of mistakes as a way to learn how to make better choices. When we stay calm and avoid yelling or punishing our kids for mistakes, our kids will be more likely to admit their slip-ups in the future. 

Turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. 

Ask, “If you could have a do-over, what would you do differently?” and brainstorm different ideas. If someone else was affected – maybe he broke his sister’s scooter – ask what he can do to make it right with the other party. 

6. Show the love. 

Let your kids know you love them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. 

Make sure they know that while you don’t like their poor behavior, you will never love them any less because of the mistakes they might make. This helps your kids feel safe opening up to you. 

7. Walk the talk. 

Remember that your kids are always looking to you and learning from your actions. 

Those little white lies we tell, whether it’s to get out of dog sitting for the neighbors or helping with the school fundraiser, aren’t harmless – they’re showing your kids that it’s okay to lie. 

We always want what’s best for our kids. However, when dealing with children who are chronically anxious, it’s a bit more challenging. It will be absolutely disheartening to cause them even the teensiest bit of suffering, right?

Here are a few tips for helping our kiddos when they’re anxious:

🗑 HELP THEM CLEAN UP THEIR SPACE.

Rearranging spaces can help keep them occupied and feel productive.

🧍🏾‍♂️🧍🏾‍♀️TELL THEM TO STAND UP STRAIGHT.

Many of us take this for granted, but posture plays a major role in improving one’s mood and esteem. Simply standing up straight may help your kids feel better about themselves.

📝 ENCOURAGE THEM TO KEEP A JOURNAL.

This works both for your kids and for you as well. Sometimes, there’s so much going on in our heads that we can’t put them into words. Putting them in writing can help you and your kids gain control over your emotions.

🕯 LIGHT A CANDLE UP.

Just the sight of a candle flame helps us get into a meditative state. What more if the candles we use are scented? Some amazing scents to choose from that can help relax both the body and the mind are lavender, orange, lemon, peppermint, frankincense, and sandalwood. Just remember to keep it out of reach of your little ones and to blow out any candles that may be left unattended.

📱 PUT THE PHONES ASIDE AND CONNECT.

This works for both parents and children. Set your phones aside for a few minutes and TALK. It will help reduce anxiety and serve as a bonding moment as well.

🎨 Art by @justgirlproject

Don’t be late. Don’t run in the house! Don’t tease your sister. DON’T RUN IN THE HOUSE! 
 
If you were to keep track, how many times a day you find yourself uttering the dreaded four-letter word of childhood: DON’T? 
 
A simple change in the language, can make a BIG difference in communication with your child. 

     Let’s start by understanding 3 reasons why “don’t” often doesn’t work: 

1. “No” and “don’t” get discouraging, fast. Imagine having someone in your life – a boss or a spouse, for example – who began the majority of their communication with you using those words. 

It wouldn’t take long to feel downright crummy about yourself, and our kids are no exception. It goes without saying that we want our kids to have a positive self-image, and we need to make sure our language reflects that. 

2. Negative commands are confusing. Negative commands, such as “don’t” and “no” require a double mental process: our kids first must understand what not to do, and then figure out what they’re supposed to do instead. We unknowingly make things more confusing and reduce the likelihood of actually getting their cooperation. 

3. It reinforces the negative behavior. If I were to say to you “don’t touch your face,” one of the first things you’ll think to do is, ironically, to touch your face. 

Our children are again hardwired the same way. Our well intentioned “don’t bother your brother while he’s studying” instead inspires our kids to keep their sibling from completing his homework. 

It will take some work, but make it your mission to limit the “DON’T” in your household. You’ll be surprised at how much the shift will change the dynamics in your home! 

Parents should focus on empowering their kids, and the best tool for the job isn’t praise; it’s Encouragement. Encouragement is essential to building a child’s confidence and self-esteem. 

With Encouragement, you focus your words on the positive action, behavior, or improvement you’d like to promote, rather than on the result. 

Encouragement is a more empowering way of providing positive feedback to kids. Essentially, it helps them replicate the skills they need to achieve a similar result in the future. 

While praise isn’t a material possession like cash, a new toy, or even ice cream, it offers the same quick hit of satisfaction. Although it feels really good to receive, the effects of praise don’t necessarily last long and are even weakened over time. 

When it comes to giving our kids a pat on the back, a quick “good job” or “you’re a Rockstar” just doesn’t cut it. Unlike superfluous praise, Encouragement goes much deeper. It motivates a child internally to demonstrate positive behavior and to value things like hard work, improvement, teamwork, and perseverance. 

Here are Some Words of Encouragement for Your Child’s Development:  

1. Recognize and foster continual growth and effort. 

2. Lessen the chance of comparisons or competition. 

3. Foster independence with the understanding that intrinsic abilities can achieve needs and wants. 

4. Emphasize on effort, progress, and improvement, rather than focusing on results. 

5. Recognize contribution rather than completion, or quality over quantity. 

6. Promote perseverance, rather than giving up, if initial results aren’t as good as expected.  

7. Inspire self-concept, as opposed to comparisons. 

8. Offer preparation for real-world challenges, where simply showing up won’t earn recognition. 

9. Build determination and confidence, e.g., “I have the ability to do many things if I work hard,” as opposed to building false self-esteem, e.g., “I am so smart. I can do anything.” 

10. Inspire self-sufficiency. 

Have you ever wondered why it is a good idea to have faith in your children? How else will they learn to have faith in themselves? Of course, it is important to show your faith with actions. The fundamental actions to show faith in your children are avoidance actions such as avoiding over-parenting, rescuing, fixing, reminding (lecturing). 

Here are 6 ways your kids know you believe in them. 

1. Give them responsibility early and often. 

It doesn’t matter how old your child is, there’s something he or she can do to help. Not just chores to keep him or her busy, but responsibilities the family counts on and that demonstrate you believe he or she can contribute. 

2. Hold them accountable (no free pass). 

One message a consequence gives is the belief a child can do better. Not disciplining, or avoiding accountability, gives a clear signal that the parents don’t believe in the child anymore. 

3. Demonstrate trust. 

Don’t just talk the talk, but walk the walk. If you say you believe in your daughter, let her make that decision you’re worried about. Then allow her to experience the consequence with your care and support. Trust must be offered according to age-appropriate boundaries and with respect to safety. But be generous with your trust. 

4. Avoid legalism. 

The letter of the law tends to narrow in the absence of belief. Too many nit-picky rules stifle the growth of conscience as well as squash belief. 

5. Brag on them in public. 

Don’t be shy to make sure your children know you believe in them. Don’t make stuff up, but be generous in your praise and don’t leave any room for doubt. Often the balance is tipped by the confidence we give our children…or fail to give. So don’t be guilty of being that parent who is always sucking the air out of your children’s sense of self. One of the best places to do this is at an All Pro Dad’s Day. Each month chapters of dads and kids meet at schools and one of the activities is the dads get to share publicly why they are proud of their kids. Check to see if there is a chapter in your area or look into starting one. 

6. Don’t over help. 

This is huge. Parents who swoop in to fix everything before anything can go wrong are telling kids loud and clear that they don’t believe in them to begin with. 

Believe in your children and they will climb mountains! ⛰️⛰️

When you become a parent, a light inside is awakened, and you are charged with the responsibility of illuminating the path for your children until they are old enough to hold the light for themselves. 

We overpower children by letting them know that we know what is best for them. We empower our children by asking questions that will make them look inside themselves. 
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Asking questions such as: 
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☀ Can you tell me more about that? 
☀ How did that make you feel? 
☀ What do you think we can do about this? 
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These are questions you should ask your children at least once a day. This gives them the ability to stay in touch with their inner self. They learn how to listen to their inner voice, their inner wisdom and make choices. 

Here are some ways you can build resiliency in your kids, strengthen your relationship, and provide your children with the coping skills they need to manage their lives. 

1. Listen without advising. When children come to you with a conflict or a problem, instead of trying to fix, advise, or counsel – listen for the pain and unmet needs. 

2. Reflect without judgment. Instead of making excuses, solving problems, or distracting children from their feelings, reflect on what you hear without evaluation, assumption, or interpretation. 

3. Guide without control. Once you know what children are feeling and needing, your instinct might be to direct them towards a solution, but you will be much more influential if you can shine a strong and steady light to help them develop the capacity for self-reflection. Instead of engaging as a boss or authority figure, connect with the intention to lead your children to their own solutions. 

4. Problem-solve without contempt. It is not always easy to hold the space for solutions to emerge. It’s much easier to tell children what to do and how to do it, and then nag them until they get it right. This is parenting from fear and breeds contempt when children don’t do what you ask. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband. 

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Providing routines for your children encourages growth and development. Actually, parents should have their own routines too. ⠀ 
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Routines provide STRUCTURE. Structure is like a roadmap or GPS, it allows you to get from one place to another with ease. ⠀ 
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Routines REDUCE ANXIETY. A predictable routine decreases the fear of the unknown and creates a sense of safety. ⠀ 
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Routines increase RESPONSIBILITY. Consistent and predictable routines allowing for learning to occur. ⠀ 
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Routines develop INDEPENDENCE. As learning occurs, children will want to do more things on their own. ⠀ 
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✨Share a family routine in the comments. 

Children who are in a heightened state of emotional arousal can have very sensitive limbic systems, where their brains are primed to respond to threats even when none exist. For example, experiments have shown that children who are chronically over-aroused will label neutral faces as hostile. 

This means that children who react with hostility or by shutting down are likely showing the outward signs of an inward experience of stress overload. If we don’t recognize the signs, figure out what is stressing them, and help them to cope – instead of using blame, threats or punishments – we will continue to make matters worse for them, rather than better. 

A parent’s reaction to a child’s stress is important to their later ability to self-regulate, starting in the first years of their life. Nature intends for human parents to play a close, nurturing role with their offspring and to take advantage of the “interbrain” – the shared intuitive channel of communication between a parent and child that is maintained by touch, shared gaze, voice, and, most of all, shared emotion. This is what helps a stressed child develop a way of self-soothing that will stay with them and allow them to cope with stressors in their lives.  

Providing warm, nurturing care early in life can go a long way towards stress management. But that doesn’t mean that parents are solely responsible for their child’s ability to adapt. Even kids who have enjoyed warm, nurturing parenting can have trouble with self-regulation. That’s why it’s important to understand how it works and how we, parents, can help. 

Here are some helpful steps that can help parents deal with a problematic behavior or anxiety in their children more effectively: 

• Recognize when your children are over stressed – If you learn to read the signs and recognize them for what they are—a signal of a system on overload—you will be able to resist assigning blame or labels to your children. Reframing your children’s behavior as a reaction to stress rather than willful misbehavior, and learning to listen to your children and to observe them with curiosity, is the first and perhaps most important step in self-regulation. 
• Identify the stressors in your children’s lives – Stressors can come from many sources—biological, emotional, cognitive, and social domains—so it’s important to consider all of these. 
• Reduce those stressors – Reducing our children’s stress involves understanding what stresses us out and how it impacts our behavior. Learning how to soothe our own stress can help us self-regulate our emotions and lead to less reactivity towards our kids when they are suffering, as well as provide important role modelling for them.  
• Help your children find calming strategies that work for them – There are many relaxation exercises that produce calm. Encourage your children to experiment with what helps them most and support them in finding relief.  

• Take a long-term perspective – Following the steps of self-regulation does not guarantee your child will suddenly stop irritating or frustrating you, but it may help prevent some unnecessary suffering. When your children see that you truly understand them and that you are committed to doing what you can to help, it will go a long way towards improving your relationship with them, as well as their ability to cope with life’s challenges.  

Working with your children in understanding their emotions and recognizing their stressors play a big part in helping them self-regulate. No one size fits all, so it is important that we guide them and help them become aware, and provide them the necessary support they need in overcoming their stressors. When we help our children, we are also helping everyone in our homes to have a better environment which means it’s less stress for everyone. 

Trying to teach a child with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a different job than parenting. You know that ADHD affects the ability of children to learn in a number of ways — such children can be forgetful, easily distracted and impulsive — but you may not have seen how that plays out daily in the classroom. 

1) Behavior management is more helpful than brain breaks 

When it comes to middle and high schoolers with ADHD, parents will need to help their kids sustain motivation and attention vs. preventing burnout (i.e., where brain breaks come in classrooms). Getting them engaged to begin with is what is going to be most challenging at home. 

2) Antecedent control is key 

Picking the right place and time, and how to remove distractions from the environment, is important to consider for success. 

3) Contingency management is something to map out 

It’s important to let kids use electronics for fun only if they have completed all of their academic tasks for the day. Parents will need to also understand how they can monitor student performance consistently. 

4) Set meaningful daily work goals 

Help your teens plan out their work in advance before they get started by using time-management strategies. Also, dividing the work into small portions can be helpful while ensuring they know what is expected of them, what the plan is, and then monitoring whether it’s completed. 

5) Be mindful of how you interact with your teen 

It’s important to recognize them for being on-task and getting work done. Refraining from micromanaging and taking over for them (which can be a temptation for a lot of parents) is important, as well as not giving attention to attempts to get out of work! 

The key to success is identifying your TEACHING style and your child’s LEARNING style. Help your child stay on track by helping them monitor their task timelines. Keeping a Planner is a great way to monitor your child’s activities and for your child to be aware of his/her accomplishments and tasks at hand.  

Check out our specially designed planner to help you kids stay on track with their daily work and study goals – it is now available on Amazon! Get yours NOW! 👉 https://amzn.to/3h7dHJQ 🛒 

Children have their own personalities that parents cannot change or control. But there are things that a parent can do to encourage their children to become kinder and gentler — to develop a sense of caring and compassion for others. 
 
To help kids become more aware of doing acts of kindness, follow these steps and your efforts will be greatly rewarded! 

1. Teach еmраthу.  

Labeling and diѕсuѕѕing еmоtiоnѕ is the firѕt ѕtер to unlосking уоur сhild’ѕ innаtе еmраthу—еnсоurаgе them from a young age to name thеir оwn fееlingѕ and rеlаtе to the fееlingѕ of others   

2. Help ѕtаrtѕ at hоmе.  

Get уоur household сhоrеѕ dоnе and spend ԛuаlitу time with уоur kids at the ѕаmе time. Bring уоur tоddlеr along for laundry, recycling and сооking—wоrk on their lеаrning too, by counting саnѕ or саtсhing ѕосkѕ from thе drуеr. Gradually assign more advanced tаѕkѕ fоr them to take on, until оnе day the garbage goes оut withоut уоu nоtiсing.  

3. Be a role model.  

You know that рhrаѕе your рrеѕсhооlеr keeps repeating, thе оnе you didn’t rеаlizе you ѕаid so оftеn? Kids take thеir сuеѕ from parents—so make sure thеу ѕее уоur bеѕt ѕidе. Show them that асtѕ of caring are раrt of everyday life.  

4. Tеасh rеѕроnѕibilitу by giving it.  

 Consider moving уоur dishes to a lower ѕhеlf in thе kitchen ѕо the kids саn ѕеt the table without hеlр. When kids fееl that thеir hеlр is nееdеd and wеlсоmеd, thеу gаin confidence that thеу have a соntributiоn to make, and thеу keep on helping.  

5. Vоluntееr together.  

From thе time kids can ѕоrt and соunt boxes of mасаrоni and cheese, thеу can vоluntееr with уоu by your ѕidе. Try diffеrеnt venues—seniors’ hоmеѕ, animal ѕhеltеrѕ, раrk сlеаn ups—and nеw idеаѕ to hеlр thеm find thеir ѕраrk, that iѕѕuе or grоuр to whiсh they mоѕt enjoy соntributing their timе and еnеrgу. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband. 

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

School can be a challenge for students with ADHD—but here’s how you can help your child or teen succeed in the classroom. 

The classroom environment can pose challenges for a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD). The very tasks these students find the most difficult—sitting still, listening quietly, concentrating—are the ones they are required to do all day long. Perhaps most frustrating of all is that most of these children want to be able to learn and behave like their unaffected peers. Neurological deficits, not unwillingness, keep kids with attention deficit disorder from learning in traditional ways. 

Executive functions are the mental processes that enable us to plan ahead, evaluate the past, start and finish a task and manage our time. They can affect what we do in the present and also how we plan and organize for the future. These skills affect our ability to access and juggle many thinking skills at the same time. Executive Functioning skills can also impact how we interact with others. They help us to control our emotions, identify and find solutions for a problem, monitor and stop our actions, evaluate our thoughts and give ourselves direction through self-talk. behave better in class. Executive function has been described as the conductor of the brain – organizing and timing brain functions to work together. 

During school, problems with executive functioning (EF) impact students in almost all their subjects and daily tasks. When a student has a specific learning disability they can function well in some areas, thereby highlighting that they are struggling in other areas. However, when there is a problem with executive functioning the student often presents with similar problems across all subjects. These may present as difficulties with: starting work, staying focused on work, completing work, and remembering to do the work. When children present with these problems they are often incorrectly labeled as: lazy, unmotivated, undisciplined, defiant, not very bright or as simply not trying. 

Starting a planner to list down your child’s activities and set after school work can greatly help your child cope with stressors and have a better structure that allows them to follow routine more effectively. 

The H2O Planner was designed specifically for students with executive function difficulties. The structure of the planner and the H2O routine aims to help students work on their homework effectively. Students who use this planner gain a strategy that can help them reduce the amount of time takes to complete homework and have a manageable test preparation learning process.

The H2O Planner is now available on Amazon 👉 https://amzn.to/2E621J6 

🛒 GET YOURS NOW! 

Completing chores promotes the development of many basic skills necessary for success in life. For younger children completing simple chores such as folding clothes or helping to make their bed can improve coordination and motor skills. Completing chores also enhances a child’s ability to follow directions and helps develop planning and organizing skills. Completing chores also helps children develop time management skills. 

Doing chores also helps children develop a sense of responsibility. They not only engage in self-help skills which fosters a sense of independence but also a sense of shared responsibility and contributing to the well-being of the whole family. Successfully completing chores also promotes feelings of self-worth and belonging. When parents do everything, children may feel either dependent on others or may feel entitled and expect things to be done for them.  

Here are some points why doing chores is essential to children: 

Chores help teach life skills. They’re young now, but they won’t be kids forever! Laundry, cooking and budgeting are just some of the skills your kids will need once they finally move out. 

Chores help kids learn responsibility and self-reliance. Assigning children regular chores helps teach them responsibility. Tasks that personally affect your kids can help them become more self-reliant at the same time. 

Chores help teach teamwork. Being a productive member of a team can be modelled for children through housework. 

Chores help reinforce respect. It takes moving away from home for most of us to fully appreciate all the hard work our parents did around the house. 

Chores help build a strong work ethic.  Chores are commonly tied to a reward, such as an allowance or TV time. Rewarding children for a job well done can also spark an entrepreneurial spirit, inspiring them to work outside the house once they reach their teens.

 

Chores help improve planning and time management skills. It feels like there are a million things to do in a day, and fitting it all into our diaries is a challenge! Chores can help older kids and teens build good habits early. Juggling schoolwork deadlines, housework and their social lives helps them learn to set priorities and manage their time, important skills for the working world. 

Chores give families a chance to bond. People often lament that chores take up time they could be spending with their kids or grandkids. But chores can actually create special moments between children and adults. Little ones who always want to help will feel important and receive a self-esteem boost, and moody teens may decide to open up over a shared task. 

Children may not thank you in the short term for giving them chores. This is a case where the goal is not necessarily to make your children happy; rather it is to teach them life skills and a sense of responsibility that will last a lifetime.