Category: Impulse Control

Five Essential Guidelines to Stop Sibling Fights

Published on by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

Finding your kids in the thick of a physical altercation–punching, biting, slapping, or even worse was scary stuff for everyone involved–children and parents alike. But the truth is, this behavior is common, especially in younger children who don’t have more appropriate conflict resolution skills. 

What can you do to reduce sibling fights? Model empathy, personal boundaries and healthy conflict resolution. Coach children during conflicts (when needed). Stepping out of a judge role and taking on a more neutral, facilitator role. Below are the five essential guidelines to stop sibling fights. 

1. Step in and limit all behaviors that are hurtful. (You might need to physically stand in their way) Use calm and confident words. 

It might sound like “I’m standing here, and I will not let you hurt each other.” 

2. Take time to listen and validate feelings. Taking turns as needed to speak to each child and remembering that coaching role explained above. Think along the lines of “You two are having a hard time—I wonder what we can do,” instead of “He or she is the problem.” 

3. Focus on understanding needs and boundaries. Avoid criticizing the behavior that was out of line. Children are quite aware that hitting and hurting a sibling is wrong. 

4. Use respectful communication and discipline with the intent to teach. Focusing on solutions and agreements instead of punishments. This actively strengthens connection, a sense of cooperation, capability and well-being. 

5. Don’t be afraid to suggest that everyone take some time to calm down. Stay by your children but don’t get into problem solving mode until tears have passed and everyone seems ready to listen. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

How to Smooth Transitions and Avoid Meltdowns

Published on by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

Turning off the TV, leaving the playground, giving back the iPad, or ending a play date — any of these may provoke a tantrum. Why? Many children with autism and ADHD have difficulty moving from one task to another, especially when they must stop an enjoyable activity. Behavior intervention strategies can help smooth the transitions. 

  1. Define Expectations 

Clearly identifying your objectives and setting attainable short- and long-term goals are the first steps to any behavior change plan. 

Let’s take the LEGO example. The expectation may be: When the time comes to shift to another activity, my child will comply when he is asked, without resisting, crying, shouting, or throwing things. 

  1. Create a Schedule 

A written or a visual schedule can help your child follow the order of events for a specific time period. But posting a schedule does not automatically mean your child will follow it. Checking off the events in a schedule should be accompanied by positive reinforcement. 

  1. Reinforcement 

Once you have thought of possible reinforcers for your child (you can create a visual depicting the reinforcers for your child to see), try simultaneously presenting the reward as the transition time is occurring, before your child can resist. Besides offering tangible items, positive reinforcement should also include behavior-specific vocal praise. 

If your child already starts to fuss when the announcement is made to start a new activity, don’t promise the reinforcer. It is very important that the engagement in a challenging behavior never results in receiving a pleasurable item or activity. Reinforcers should only follow desired behaviors. As transitions are consistently paired with reinforcement, the new desired behavior can become more of the “norm.” 

  1. Plan 

Prepare in advance to reap the benefits from your intervention plans. Know how you will present the transition, what items or activities will be effective reinforcers to motivate a successful transition, and how you will respond if your child does not go along with the shift in activity. 

  1. Give Choices When Possible 

Offer options to help your child with transitions. You might say, “Do you want me to help you clean up, or do you want to do it by yourself? It is almost time to leave for baseball practice,” “We are ready to finish TV time and have lunch.” It also helps to see things from your child’s perspective. If a game is just about to end, or there are three minutes left on his TV show, be flexible when possible. 

When a parent’s emotion run high, the child’s emotion will, too. Demonstrate the behaviors you want your children to engage in. Urging a child to “Come on, hurry! We are going to be late,” can have a negative effect. Stay calm and steady. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

How To Help Children Manage Their Impulsiveness

Published on by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

 

Impulsiveness is common among children who have special needs. It can cause a great deal of disorganization. The adults who care for special needs children may constantly feel as if they have a time bomb on their hands, since they have no idea when children will “explode”. What’s more, they may have the impression they are walking on eggshells or be afraid even the simplest refusal will spark a tantrum. Does this ring a bell? Probably. After all, impulsiveness is frequently observed in young children.

What is impulsiveness?

If we were to try to define impulsiveness, we may say that it represents the thoughtless side of a person or action. In real terms, impulsiveness is a lack of self-control that leads children to react very quickly, that prevents them from thinking before they act and often, leads them to overreact when they face a negative situation or emotion.

How does impulsiveness manifest itself?

It is not always easy to affirm or confirm that we are really dealing with a problem related to impulsiveness. Very often, at a young age, we believe that a lack of maturity or a lack of self-control causes children to act without thinking. A child who spontaneously hits one of his peers, a child who gets up before you have finished giving your instructions to the group, and a child who disregards rules can all be associated with poor self-control. Children want to have or do something and they immediately spring into action, as soon as the thought crosses their mind.

Several behaviours may be present. Here is a short, non-exhaustive list of behaviors you can encounter. A child may:

  • speak over his early childhood educator.
  • steal another child’s turn.
  • get up very quickly at the end of an activity, before listening to complete instructions.
  • explode with anger when he faces refusal.
  • hit another child when he is approached.
  • make errors caused by inattention, not because of an incapacity.

As previously mentioned, impulsiveness can often be linked to poor self-control which is normal in young children. As children get older, their self-control develops and their impulsive behavior should decrease and become less intense. In one-year-olds, we may observe the first signs of self-control through their brief (but real) capacity to wait. At two or three years of age, children can tolerate frustration without necessarily exploding in anger. In general, at four or five years old, children have the capacity to calm themselves and be flexible. Several factors, such as a child’s temperament, can play a big role in controlling impulsiveness. With time, you will be able to determine whether a child faces an impulsiveness problem. Certain diagnoses, for example, an attention deficit order with hyperactivity, have an impulsiveness component. Once again, most diagnoses will not be made during preschool years, even if your observations lead you to suspect certain difficulties may be present.

How can you help a child control his impulsiveness?

As I often say, it is important that we, as early childhood educators, stock children’s toolboxes with tools that will help them throughout life. This is also true when dealing with impulsiveness. Whether a child’s impulsiveness is developmental or a real problem, your role is to help him manage it. Here’s how you can fulfill this role.

  • Reward good behavior. Impulsive children can, day after day, display a great deal of negative behavior. You may have the impression you are constantly intervening. For this reason, it is highly important that you congratulate impulsive children for good behavior to try to encourage it.
  • Teach children to name their emotions and recognize the signs associated with each one. Managing emotions will have a direct impact on impulsiveness. Teach children methods they can use to control their emotions. Keep in mind that all emotions are healthy. Too often, it is the means children use to express them that you must work on.
  • When a child is going through a difficult situation, take the time to discuss the situation with him to help him identify solutions. Slowly, children will register the acceptable solutions you offer. This may help them avoid explosive situations.
  • Watch for signs that may precede a tantrum or an impulsive act and try to divert children’s attention before it’s too late.

Of course, managing impulsiveness requires a great deal of patience. Take it one step at a time and try to be consistent.

Source.

Teaching your child about impulse control

Published on by Coach Benjamin Mizrahi2 Comments

Excitable as they are, children can often be seen diving into action or immersing themselves right into things. They’ll interrupt when mom or dad are mid-sentence or run around without checking their surroundings.

It is in part due to childhood innocence; if they have not yet been hurt, how would they know to be cautious?

By and large, impulsiveness is a regular part of childhood and is something that is not necessarily harmless. Unless children throw sharp objects around, hurt themselves or someone around them, there’s no need to be concerned.

Nevertheless, we must remain attentive to our children’s ability to hold on to what they want to say or do. It is a gradual process, not a matter of either you have or not. Impulse control remains an important executive function, one of the many skills that let us plan, focus our attention, and remember instructions. In other words, it is crucial that we allow our children to develop this skill at a pace that is reasonable for their age.

Below, you can find some ways to help your child develop this his/her impulse control:

Teaching by Example
The most basic approach is to lead by example. Kids tend to adopt behaviors not always considering its benefit. Therefore, we should be a good role model and practice the behavior we want our kids to display. To help children visualize this, talk to your children through your thought process. For example, “I would like to watch TV, but I know I have to clean the bedroom first.” Speaking out loud will go a long way in teaching your child to internalize dialogue that helps them manage their impulses.

Delayed Gratification
Give your child fun opportunities to practice delaying gratification. One way to implement this is to reward your child’s good behavior with tokens which they will redeem later for predetermined rewards (preferably non-tangible such as ‘daddy-and-me time’). Let your child also know that there is a more significant reward if he saves enough tokens, like a trip to a theme park or the movies!

 

Putting A Label on Emotions
Our little angels sometimes jump into action because they don’t know how else to express themselves to us. When we help our children understand their emotions, we help ourselves by reducing the chances of tantrums and teach them to deal with their inconvenience independently. Talk about the differences between feeling and behavior, letting them know that it is okay to feel angry, but that it is not okay to throw things to express that. As always, be sure to lead by example. If they see their parents yelling at each other when they’re angry, they’ll naturally think there’s nothing wrong with doing the same.

Drilling It in With Repetition
Sometimes, our children want to see our faces light up with pride that they’ve done something well. So, when you give them instructions, they nod and get right to it. Instead, ask your child to repeat your directions before they get moving. Make sure to praise them so they’ll feel encouraged to do it again next time!

Keep It Positive
Use games like ‘Simon Says’ and ‘Red Light Green Light’ that give children ample opportunities to practice impulse control. With these games, they’ll learn to wait for instructions, or to stop and think, all while they’re enjoying themselves. You can also have your child practice reading with a partner, taking turns to read each paragraph and letting them practice waiting for their turn.

Consistency Is Key
Our children need us to be consistent, or they might get confused as to what is acceptable and what isn’t. Simple things like “Hold my hand and look both ways before crossing the road,” will go a long way if you practice this each time we approach the street. Routines will create less opportunity for chaos, which helps to reduce impulsive behavior.

While helping our children develop impulse control, do remember that it is a learning process and not an overnight change. Praise them to acknowledge good behavior and encourage your children when they make a mistake. Even adults make mistakes at times, so let them know that it is normal to make a once-in-a-while mistake and motivate them to do better next time.

 

 

Impulse control (video)

Published on by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

The following video is an illustration of how impulse control can come in the way of young students. It important to remind ourselves that having weak impulse control (Response Inhibition) is NOT a character trait, rather a developmental issue that can be solved with coaching.

I encourage you to watch this video with your child (ages 5-8):

Ask them if this situation is familiar, and feel free to share with them the last time it was difficult for YOU to resist what you wanted to say/do. Talk about the how we feel after and how others might feel when we interrupt them in the middle of an activity or a conversation. Finally, invite them to join you in creating ways to deal with the need to say/do something out of turn. Some strategies that work for students in 1st through 4th grades are:

– Sitting on a cushion

– Stretching while sitting

– Asking to be the teacher’s helper.

– Asking to introduce the story (if you are familiar with it).

– Setting a signal with the teacher to take a short break.

These are just examples to help your child think about strategies that work for THEM.

You should feel free to share with me your experience and ask questions if you wish.

 

Improve Response Inhibition

Published on by Coach Benjamin Mizrahi2 Comments

Who's Turn Is It? 94

 

Response inhibition is the ability to cease or delay an action and to be able to reflect rather than display impulsive behavior. Simply put, response inhibition helps individuals to stop and think before acting. It also helps one to ignore outside interference. This skill allows a child to plan and display appropriate behaviors. Response inhibition is imperative in tasks such as maintaining safety, problem solving efficiently, and behaving in a socially appropriate manner. This skill is also needed for focusing on the task at hand, rather than reacting to other situations in the environment. Follow our recommendations below to improve response inhibition.

Home and School Situations Requiring Response Inhibition

  • Raising one’s hand before answering a question in class
  • Waiting for one’s turn to play in a game or to speak during a conversation
  • Ignoring distractions while working on homework
  • Putting a helmet on before getting on a bike
  • Reading the directions before starting an assignment
  • Being patient with a younger sibling
  • Completing a long, multi-step task
  • Waiting in line at school or at a store
  • Keeping oneself from falling back asleep in the morning
  • Not talking back to one’s parents when upset

Hints and Strategies to Improve Response Inhibition

1. Have your child think about their answer to a question a few seconds before they verbalize the answer. Teach your child to count to 10 before acting. Practice this by counting together out loud before making a decision.

2. Arrange for your child to play games with other children that require them to wait for their turn. An example of a game that involves patience can be “Chutes and Ladders.” An example of a game that involves both patience and concentration, (when counting the number of spaces to move) can be “Trouble.” “Chess” can also be helpful to improve concentration and patience because the game requires the player to be constantly thinking about their next move.

3. Take a break. Let your child take a break from a situation that is upsetting to them. Doing so will keep your child motivated, as well as keep them from growing upset and irritable. Your child may tend to become angry or upset, and possibly give up on a difficult assignment if they are being forced to complete it all at once. For example, if your child has to write a lengthy paper, giving him/her a 10 minute break will allow them to remove him/herself from the stressful situation and begin with a fresh start again after the break. Model the same procedure by showing your child how you take a break to handle a difficult or frustrating experience. Display your own strategies by walking away but later returning to solve a problem.

4. Model response inhibition for your child. Talk to your child about the strategies that you use to exhibit response inhibition and self-control and then model these strategies. For example, you may tell your child, “I really would like to watch TV… but I know I have to clean the basement first.” This will help show your child how to develop a form of response inhibition and structure.

5. Review homework assignment directions with your child so that they know what to do before starting. Discuss what needs to be done and help show your child how to follow the directions. If a teacher assigns a worksheet, have your child read the instructions to you and discuss them, rather than allowing your child to dive in without reading.

6. Encourage your child to play puzzle-based video games. Examples of puzzle-based games include the following: “Bejeweled,” “Tetris,” and “Bubblicious,” in which your child can earn bonus points by delaying a first response. Many of these puzzle games will reward patience when the player is able to combine a number of shapes that match or create a larger pattern rather than simply pairing the first two that fit with each other. Most importantly, ask your child to describe to you how (s)he can earn the maximum number of points; engage in a discussion about how inhibiting or delaying an action results in a higher game score.

7. Encourage high levels of activity during leisure time. Children who struggle with response inhibition often find themselves in trouble due to too much movement. Encouraging your child to exert him/herself when it is appropriate may help in getting your child to sit still when necessary. Teach your child basic yoga, meditation, or breathing techniques. Learning one or more of these strategies can be very useful for children who act before thinking. Regular practice of one or two small techniques is something that can be used in a situation where the child tends to respond quickly and get into trouble. Teaching one or two yoga stretches may be particularly helpful for children with movement-based response inhibition difficulties. For example, learning the “mountain” and “sun salutation” poses (which essentially consists of standing with one’s hands extended above the head and breathing) can be very useful for delaying actions. Further information about a number of yoga poses can be found on http://yoga.about.com.

Games and Activities That Can Practice Response Inhibition

“Choose Your Own Adventure” Books – Encourage your child to read any books in the “Choose Your Own Adventure” series, which will allow him to recognize how each decision made can lead to a distinct consequence.

Playing board games (e.g. “Trouble,” “Chutes and Ladder,” “Candyland”) – These, or similar games, will allow your child to practice waiting for their turn to play, while other players count spaces or play out their own turns.

“Dance Dance Revolution” and “Guitar Hero” – Both of these games enhance response inhibition in that the player must really concentrate and think about which note to play or square to step on in order to achieve success.

“Simon Says” – The traditional game of “Simon Says” will allow your child to practice delaying an action until the appropriate cue is heard.

Freeze Tag -Playing freeze tag with your child or having them play this game with friends or siblings will encourage the stop-and-start action of appropriate behaviors as well as the delaying of impulsive action.

Reading with a partner – Read with your child, alternating turns, to allow for practice in waiting for one’s turn and patience.

Websites and Articles on Response Inhibition

LearningWorks For Kids: The premier resource for executive function information, offering a detailed explanation of response inhibition, tips for parents, and activities to improve this skill.

Education.com: This site offers examples and techniques for parents to use when helping their children to develop self-control.

Illinois Early Learning Project: This site provides tips for instilling impulse control in their children, as well as links to other informative sites on related topics.

National Association of School Psychologists: This handout describes important step-by-step strategies and skills for parents and teachers who are hoping to teach self-control skills to children.

Books on Response Inhibition

Cooper-Kahn, Joyce, Ph.D. and Laurie C. Dietzel. (2008). Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents’ Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning. Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House. [Chapter 11]

Cox, Adam J., Ph.D. (2007). No Mind Left Behind: Understanding and Fostering Executive Control–The Eight Essential Brain Skills Every Child Needs to Thrive. New York, NY: Penguin Books. [Chapter 9]

Dawson, Peg, Ed.D. and Richard Guare, Ph.D. (2009). Smart but Scattered. New York, NY: The Guilford Press. [Chapter 11]

Kulman, Randy, Ph.D. (2012). Train Your Brain for Success: A Teenager’s Guide to Executive Functions. Plantation, FL: Specialty Press, Inc. [Chapter 7]

Richard, Gail J. and Jill K. Fahy. (2005). The Source for Development of Executive Functions. East Moline, IL: Lingua Systems.

Schwarzchild, Michael. (2000) Helping Your Difficult Child Behave: A Guide to Improving Children’s Self-Control-Without Losing Your Own. New York, NY: Authors Guild.

 

Source can be found here.