What to Do When Your Kids Are Feeling Anxious

We always want what’s best for our kids. However, when dealing with children who are chronically anxious, it’s a bit more challenging. It will be absolutely disheartening to cause them even the teensiest bit of suffering, right? 

Here are a few tips for helping our kiddos when they’re anxious: 

🧹 HELP THEM CLEAN UP THEIR SPACE. 

Rearranging spaces can help keep them occupied and feel productive. 

🧍‍♂🧍‍♀ TELL THEM TO STAND UP STRAIGHT. 

Many of us take this for granted, but posture plays a major role in improving one’s mood and esteem. Simply standing up straight may help your kids feel better about themselves. 

🗒 ENCOURAGE THEM TO KEEP A JOURNAL. 

This works both for your kids and for you as well. Sometimes, there’s so much going on in our heads that we can’t put them into words. Putting them in writing can help you and your kids gain control over the emotions. 

🕯 LIGHT A CANDLE UP. 

Just the sight of a candle flame helps us get into a meditative state. What more if the candles we use are scented? Some amazing scents to choose from that can help relax both the body and the mind are lavender, orange, lemon, peppermint, frankincense, and sandalwood. Just remember to keep it out of reach of your little ones and to blow out any candles that may be left unattended. 

📵 PUT THE PHONES ASIDE AND CONNECT. 

This works for both parents and children. Set your phones aside for a few minutes and TALK. It will help reduce anxiety and serve as a bonding moment as well. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Positive Phrases to Use Instead of Stop, No, Don’t

As parents, the way we speak to our children is incredibly important. Words can build kids up, and they can just as easily tear them down. Which is why finding positive things to say to your child matters! 

In a world were saying “no” is a heck of a lot easier than saying “yes”, we need to be especially careful that we use language which demonstrates to our kids that positivity has a higher value than negativity. 

Children imitate what they see and hear. Meaning, they will imitate kindness if kind words are spoken at home. 

Show your child you believe in them by using words of encouragement daily. It helps kids feel supported and loved and gives them a sense of empowerment that will stick with them into adulthood. 

By making a habit of using positive phrases around your little ones you’ll be building their confidence and self-esteem 

Here are the positive phrases to use daily to help them feel confident and loved. 

  •  Let’s remember gentle hands 
    (“No Hitting” “Stop Fighting”)  
  • Outside is a good place for being loud 
    (No Shouting Inside the House!)  
  • Let’s try to breathe through these yucky feelings 
    (Calm Down, Stop Crying, No Whining)  
  • Let’s use kind words, please  
    (Don’t say that, don’t talk like that)  
  • Shoes are for your feet, remember? 
    (Stop throwing your shoes around the house)  
  • Why don’t you ask if you can use it when he is finished or You really want to play with that, don’t you? What could you say to her instead?’ 
    (No fighting!)  
  • It’s windy outside today, let’s check the weather and see if tomorrow is good to take a walk 
    (No, we can’t walk today) 
  •  Your toy car will be waiting for you at home when we are all finished with our grocery shopping 
    (No, you can’t bring your toy car)  
  • Let’s play at the park a different day, today we have so many other things we need to get done and I need your help! (No park today) 
  •  Remember to walk in the house, please 
    (No running in the house!) 
  •  If we eat all the popsicles in one day, there won’t be any left for tomorrow. And if you have too many, your tummy might get sore! Let’s save some for tomorrow.  
    (No more popsicles)  
  • There are a few more things that we need to do before we can watch a show, let’s go do them now and I’ll put on your favorite show right after.  
    (No TV right now)  
  • Are you feeling frustrated when the boxes fall? How can you solve this problem? 
    (Stop crying, they are just boxes) 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Not Every Emotion Needs an Explanation

A gentle reminder: ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Not every emotion needs an explanation. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
It seems fitting after two days of sharing scripts to share this reminder. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words are helpful and if we are consciously engaging with our child and ourselves, scripts can help us understand the framework from which we want to parent and shift our mindset. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
And yet, words can also be our crutches. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words can be what we use to prevent us from engaging with what is happening in the present moment.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words can keep our anxiety at bay.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If we are predominantly left-brained, words and logic are what feels comfortable and safe.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
We want to understand, rationalize, analyze, and get to the root of our child’s emotions.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Naming the emotion.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Validating the emotion.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Trying to help our child uncover the root of the emotion. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
All very valuable! ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
But we may miss the opportunity to teach our child another valuable lesson: emotions are not a part of us, we can experience them, notice them, and let them go.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
While this language is too sophisticated for a toddler, the goal is integration. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Integrate the left and the right brain. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
As parents this means that our presence is more important than any words we share with our child.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Empathy is communicated by our presence and body language, not only our words. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
When your child is experiencing an emotion, pause and notice: ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
How is your breathing?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What facial expressions are you communicating?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What are your body movements communicating?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Worth noting: if we are predominantly right brained and tend to get stuck in our emotions or our child’s emotions, integrating the left-brain or logic and reason is the goal. ⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What about you, are you predominantly left ⬅ or right ➡ brained? 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/

Parents Need to Grow Along with Their Kids

Parenting is an ongoing journey, and parents need to keep enriching and educating themselves as their child grows from an innocent baby into a mature adult. 

Life is in a constant flux and many parenting skills or practices from your childhood, or those you may have picked up along the way in dealing with your child, could now be considered outdated or unsuitable for the stage your child is in. For example, fear-based methods of parenting were popular in the past, but nowadays, most experts agree that these methods are ineffective and that getting children to self-regulate is best. 

While the basics are similar across different ages, the approach used should be tailored to each individual child to suit his age and stage of development. Stay abreast of current parenting practices and any other knowledge related to parenting and child health. 

Do stay on top of things by monitoring what influences your child’s thoughts and/or behaviors. This includes the friends he spends time with, his use of the internet and social media, the type of entertainment or reading materials he enjoys, as well as how he spends his leisure time. 

As your child grows and matures, you should be able to gradually give less and less supervision and guidance. Continue to be there for her whenever she needs you but let her have the freedom to approach problems with her own solutions. 

The thought of your child growing up and becoming independent too quickly may seem scary. Parenting is never stagnant, nor does it end when your child grows up into an adult. 

The most important skill any parent needs is communication. Remember to communicate often with your spouse and your child. This is often the best method to gain feedback on how effective your parenting methods or strategies have been. Nevertheless, don’t ignore problems either, especially if there are long-standing issues that cannot be managed despite your best efforts. This could be due to a child’s developmental issues that may require professional assistance. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Parent Child Relationship

When it comes to family life, everyone strives to figure out how the relationship between parents and children can become ideal. Positive parenting techniques work well for raising children with discipline and good moral values and are every parents’ dream. However, it is not an easy feat. And it is important to know that the parent child relationship is a two-way street, in other words, it is a partnership between a parent and their child. 

A garden with different flowers becomes beautiful when it blossoms. Similarly, if parents learn how to be a ‘gardener’ and can recognize their child’s personality and nourish it, then their ‘garden’ will become fragrant! This is what positive parenting is all about! 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/

Ways to Boost Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

Help your child become happier, more confident, and more empathetic by teaching them healthy ways to express their feelings. 

Amid worrying about our kids’ academic success, it’s easy to lose sight of their emotional development. But research suggests a child’s emotional intelligence is every bit as important as reading, writing, and ‘arithmetic. Why? Because kids with a high emotional intelligence have mastered the other three Rs: responsibility, resilience, and respect. 

Since they’ve developed more coping skills, these kids are more able to control their emotions and behavior when things don’t go their way. This in turn makes them happier, more self-confident, and more respectful of others. Not surprisingly, children with a high EQ (or emotional quotient) also tend to do better in school. They pay attention, easily take in information, stay motivated, and get along with teachers and classmates. 

Is this just a matter of inborn temperament? Perhaps in some cases, yes. But research shows emotional intelligence can be taught. Students who have gone through school-based EQ training average 11 percentile points higher on academic test scores. As a parent, you can also teach your kid to handle challenging emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration. From books and toys to family games, here are five creative ways to help your child become an EQ whiz kid.  

👉 Play the “What-if” game 

During family car rides or as a conversation starter at the dinner table, the “What would you do if…?” game gets kids thinking about ways to respond to different situations. Ask questions that encourage your child to behave with more emotional smarts: “What would you do if you saw someone grab a toy away from your friend? Or if I blamed you for something you didn’t do? Or if your brother hit you for no reason?” 

Asking these questions when emotions aren’t running high gives your child a chance to come up with ideas on how to best respond – and for you to offer some ideas of your own. Since you can tailor questions to fit your child’s age, this works for younger and older kids alike.  

👉 That’s emo-tainment! 

Don’t tell the kids, but books and movies can be more than just entertainment. San Francisco-based childhood social skills teacher Dominique Baudry says that reading books and watching movies with children present ideal opportunities to talk about emotions and behavior. ” When reading together, ask your child, ‘What do you think he’s feeling?’ Talk about a character’s motive and intention. ‘Why do you think he did that?””  

Similarly, after watching a movie together, ask your child why a character was angry, frustrated, sad, or excited. These conversations all present an opportunity to expand “emotional literacy,” so that children get used to talking about why people behave the way they do and how they might have responded differently. What’s more, doing this with make-believe characters makes it that much easier for kids to be emotionally fluent when talking about their own emotions – which is the whole idea.  

👉 Read it with feeling 

Not only can you use stories as a launching pad to discuss feelings, but you can also get books that address emotions directly. One of the best “I’m feeling bad!” books for young kids: When Sophie Gets Angry – Really Really Angry. As happens with many children, Sophie’s anger is too much for her and her family: She rages, kicks, and screams. To find her way out of her overwhelming emotions, Sophie takes time to be alone and calm down, then returns to her family more cheerful and encouraged. 

👉 Give everyone a do-over 

Admit it: When parents – and kids – get angry enough, they yell or throw tantrums. Angry outbursts make everyone in the family feel terrible and usually solve nothing. It is recommended that all family members should be allowed a chance to have a “do-over.” 

Anyone in the family is allowed to say, ‘That came out really mean. I’m going to do a do-over. Here’s what I wanted to say.’ Do-overs allow kids and grownups a way to gain more self-awareness by practicing less hurtful ways of expressing difficult emotions. Allowing for do-overs lets the whole family help one another try again in a kinder, better way. It’s also a very kind way to cut each other some slack. 

👉 Work on playing 

With less free playtime at and after school, kids today have fewer chances to practice the social skills that are important for learning emotional intelligence and dealing with difficult issues like bullying. Give your child as many opportunities as possible for unstructured, cooperative and imaginative play with siblings and other kids. Building a fort, putting on a play or a variety show or playing ‘restaurant’ or ‘barber shop’ together give kids lots of opportunities to practice communicating their desires and resolving conflicts. 

As your child grows older, talk about real-life situations—whether it’s things they’re encountering in their daily life or it’s a problem you’re reading about in the news. Make it an ongoing conversation. Use your child’s mistakes as opportunities to grow better. When they act out because they’re angry or they hurt someone’s feelings, take time to talk about how they can do better in the future. With your ongoing support and guidance, your child can develop the emotional intelligence and mental strength they’ll need to succeed in life.  

Treat Your Children as You Would Like to Be Treated Yourself

Snuff out their fears, give a name to those emotions that they do not know how to express, dedicate time to them, let their dreams take off, and make them feel who they are: the most precious people in your world. 

A child does not want to be yelled at and does not understand reproaches; your child deserves to be treated with the art of listening, patience, and the grandeur of affection, because children are not there to be “dominated”; they are there to be loved. 

A mother’s instinct or a father’s natural ability to intuitively know the needs of their own children is doubtlessly the best strategy when it comes to educating them. Children come into the world with innate kindness, so they deserve to be treated with respect. 

A child must be treated with affection and without fear. There are mothers and fathers who are afraid to fail in their role as parents. They think that they are failures if they don’t get them a place in the best schools or buy them the same brand-name clothes that their friends wear at school. They aspire, in some way, to offer their children what they themselves never had. 

Everyone is free when it comes to choosing how to educate a child, but we often forget what children are like and everything that happens in their heads. We hang onto the thought of everything that we have to offer them without first finding out what they really need: us. 

Our children do not really need brand-name clothes or electronic toys that they can play with alone. They need your time, your example, your good night hugs, and your hand to hold when they cross the street. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Help Your Child Make and Keep Friends

Help Your Child Make and Keep Friends 

Children with ADHD often have trouble making friends, but it turns out that parents can help. Learn why solo time with your child and planned playdates can help you take a more active role in how he makes new friends. 

It’s common for children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to have trouble making friends. How can parents help? 

Where do you start? 

Start by listening. The more positive and trusting your relationship, the more likely it is that your child will accept your guidance. If he’s upset about a friendship problem, be empathetic. Give him a chance to express his feelings before saying what he should do differently next time. 

Spend some time doing fun things together, just the two of you, without directing or criticizing his behavior. Building a relationship with your child pays off. Parents in my study groups have said that when they work on relationship-building at home, they see better behavior in their child’s peer relationships right away. 

Look for the positive, even if it’s hard to find something to praise 

For example, you see your child with another child, and almost everything she does seems wrong. She goes up and says, “Hi,” introduces herself, and says she wants to play. Then she treats the other kid as a play-slave, and says, “We’re going to do this. I go first. You stand here.” 

There’s a lot to criticize. But you can praise what she did well: walking up and introducing herself in a friendly way. As for the rest, there may be 20 behaviors that you’d like to change but be selective. Pick the most important one or two-and be specific in what you say: “When you play a game, you get to move your pieces, but you have to let your friend move hers.” 

Parents take a more active role in promoting friendships 

You can help your child make better choices – for instance, a friend with the same interests who’s also a good personality match. 

A great way to find the right playmates is to volunteer at your child’s school and for extracurricular activities. You see other kids, and you get to know other parents. It’s an opportunity to network and to suggest playdates. 

Made playdates go more smoothly 

Planning. Before the playdate, put away anything that might cause conflict, like a favorite toy that your child wouldn’t want other kids to touch. Plan enough activities so that you leave little or no unstructured time. If your child has repeatedly acted in a way that’s likely to cause trouble, caution him in advance about the most appropriate behavior.  Be on hand with snacks or another distraction in case the kids start fighting – especially if you don’t know the other child well. 

How closely should you supervise? 

It depends largely on the age and on the child. You might want to be in the same room with a six-year-old, so you can head off a tantrum if you see it coming. For a 10-year-old, stay just within earshot and check in from time to time to see if the kid’s friends need your attention. If it’s too quiet, your child may have lost interest and may be ignoring her friend. 

Whisper to your child if something’s wrong. If it’s the kind of behavior you discussed beforehand, a reminder may be enough. If it isn’t, or if the misbehavior is serious, talk to her in another room. Unless the situation is out of control, don’t cut the playdate short. 

What do you do after the playdate’s over? 

Debrief your child. Give him feedback, particularly on how he handled the behavior you focused on before the playdate. You might say, “It was really nice of you to congratulate your friend on winning the game, like we talked about.” 

Use the experience in planning the next playdate. If you stay focused on improving trouble behaviors, you should see progress. It often happens that way in my study groups. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Make Time for Unstructured Play

Weekends are the perfect time for some unstructured play!  

But why is it so important? 
 
Unstructured play encourages creativity and imagination. 
 
Children learn through play. This is how they work out problems, practice important social skills, and process emotions. 

Unstructured play increases confidence. When children are able to think and create, using their own cognition and creativity it increases their confidence in themselves. 

 Attachment and bonding with your child are increased when you join in unstructured play with them. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/

How to Make Children Feel Safe & Go to Sleep

When bedtime is approaching, some children have a hard time separating from parents and going to sleep without a struggle. If your child resists bedtime, it’s important to help him feel safe so he can go to bed happily and sleep well. A child’s fears and anxieties are very real to him. By being empathetic and supporting him positively, you can provide loving reassurance to help him overcome bedtime issues. 

Create a calming and restful bedtime routine to ease your child from daytime activity to more low-key bedtime activity. The routine may include bathing, a snack, snuggling in bed with a book or a story, prayers or a song and then tucking your child into bed with kisses and hugs. 

Provide your child with a security toy that might help her feel more comfortable and relaxed as she’s trying to go to sleep. This is usually a stuffed animal, doll or a special blanket, but whichever toy is most comforting to your child can work. 

Turn on a night-light and leave the bedroom door open a crack if your child has fears associated with bedtime. The night-light allows him to see that his room looks the same as it does during the day, and the open door may help him feel a bit less “alone” in his bedroom. 

Empathize with any anxiety or fears your child communicates with you, but remain firm with the bedtime routine and continue to lead your child toward falling asleep independently in his bed. You might say, “I’ve checked your closet and under your bed, and there is nothing scary in your room. It’s time to sleep now, so that you’ll feel good and rested in the morning.” 

Remain calm, even if your child becomes fearful and anxious. By modeling the calm and relaxed behavior you want from your child, he is more likely to follow your example. 

Stay consistent in your bedtime expectations, requiring that your child adhere to the routine and stay in her bed. Your consistency should help your child feel more secure and safe in the long run. 

Give big hugs and dry his tears. Explain to your child that even though nightmares can seem very real, they are just dreams and can never hurt him. Tell him that the nightmare is over and assure him that he is fine. Help your child settle back into bed, snuggling with his security toy. Give him another hug and kiss and then tell him it’s time to go back to sleep again, and this time he’ll dream sweet dreams. 

Avoid activities that energize your child before bedtime. Television, wrestling and tickling may get him excited and make it difficult to settle down to sleep. 

What to Do When Consequences Don’t Work

Very often consequences are just punishments in disguise, or at the very least, unpleasant power plays that take away a child’s sense of capability, well-being and trust. Instead of helping and inviting cooperation, consequences are more often than not used in a way that chips away at your relationship with your child. 

If chosen well, sometime consequences can help your child learn and make better behavior choices. The wrong kind of consequences just don’t motivate children to behave well. Your child might actually feel discouraged or so frustrated that their behavior gets worse instead of better. 

Things to try when no consequence seems to work: 

1. Know that you are not alone: 

This isn’t really something to try, but something that’s just a relief to know.  There are many parents who are struggling to find an effective consequence for their child.  You are not alone.  Strong-willed children are a joy and a challenge to raise.  One of those challenges is finding something that does work for your child. 

If you have a child with anxiety, depression, or trauma they may not respond as well to consequences.  We recommend you try the ideas below.  If you continue to not see change, seek a competent professional to help you and your family. 

 
2. Customize consequences to your specific child. 

Discipline is not a one size fits all. Each child is born with different strengths, weaknesses, temperaments, and motivations.  Therefore, you will need to customize your approach with each child.  The process of customizing does include some trial and error.  That can feel really frustrating and take some time.  However, if you stick with the process, you will eventually find something that works. 

When testing out different consequences, you need to try it CONSISTENTLY and for at least a couple of weeks before you adjust and try something different. 

 
3. Try some rewards, but not the typical reward you’re thinking of. 

Sometimes when we’re working on extinguishing negative behaviors, we get too focused on ONLY negative behaviors. If a child feels like their parents don’t see any good in them, it can lead to more negative behaviors.  Our kids need us to tell them what they are doing well.  Do a quick self-evaluation.  Are you pointing out at least 5-10 things each of your kids do well each day? 

4. Try at home play therapy to help your child feel more connected to you. 

Children generally behave better when they feel connected to their parents.   At home play therapy is a heavily researched way to connect deeply and quickly with our kids of ALL ages. 

It helps your child feel special to you and SEEN by you.  It also helps your child feel safe showing you what’s important to them.  That creates a special bond between you and the child. 

Play therapy also helps parents.  During the play therapy session, you get to just enjoy your child.  You don’t have to tell them what to do or what not to do.  You aren’t focused on their negative behavior.  Rather, you just get to see how beautiful they are.  It’s also kind of relaxing.  Grown-ups don’t take a lot of time to just relax and be in the present.  This allows you to do just that. 

5. Learn about more options 

Know that there is something that works for each child you just might not have found it yet.  You may need some extra tools from a professional or from another parent you trust. 

Imagine that you are trying to build a house using only a screw driver.  That would be a challenging experience.  It would be easier if you had a screw driver, a hammer, a saw, etc.  The same is true of parenting.  You may be working really hard at trying to find a consequence that works, but you may need someone to give you some additional tools, tools you’ve never thought of before.  Needing additional tools doesn’t make you a bad parent.  In fact, we think that seeking out tools makes you a great parent!  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a tool belt full of options? 

6. Think about what motivates your child. 

Some consequences don’t work because they are too small and the child doesn’t care about it.  On the other hand, some consequences don’t work because they are so extreme that the child loses hope and motivation.  The best consequences are big enough to motivate the child to not misbehave, but small enough that the child isn’t in trouble all the time. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

How to Get a Hyperactive Toddler to Sleep

It’s after midnight and your hyperactive toddler isn’t showing any signs of slowing down. You close your eyes and wonder how you will ever get to sleep if he refuses to go to bed. Knowing your friends’ kids have already been asleep for hours makes it more difficult to cope. Having a hyperactive toddler can be stressful; however, knowing that you can take steps to help him get to sleep can significantly reduce your stress level. 

Designate a bedtime for your toddler. Put her to bed at the same time every night to establish a routine. 

Give your toddler a bath one hour before the appointed bedtime. This will help relax him and will signal that the bedtime routine has begun. 

Encourage your toddler to take part in quiet-time activities such as cuddling or reading a favorite book together. Make this a nightly activity that occurs right after the bath so she understands that bedtime is approaching. 

Put your toddler to bed, turn on some soft music and leave the room. Do not return unless there is an emergency. Follow the same routine every night, until he accepts it. 

Find a special song or poem that you and your toddler can recite each night just as you leave the bedroom. It will establish that the day has ended and it will provide security for your little one. 

Do not deviate from the routine until your toddler has accepted it completely. The first few nights will be rough because the routine is new. Refuse to give in, refuse to deviate from the steps, and your toddler will accept the routine and begin looking forward to the special bath and reading time she has with her parent each night before going to sleep.