positive words – EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS COACHING

How to Raise Well Mannered Children

Published on April 1, 2021April 2, 2021 by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

Tip #1: Have Clear Expectations

Children thrive if parents can have clear expectations for behavior and enforce those standards consistently. Determine what your expectations for your kids are on everything from how they perform at school to curfews, household chores and even things like using profanity and what their bedtime is during the school year. Be specific and then make the consequences equally as clear.

Tip #2: Model Appropriate Behavior

Remember that you always have an audience when your kids are in your presence. We’re human so we’re going to get irritated and speak harshly or display a temper now and then, but just as soon as it happens and you catch yourself, stop and apologize in front of your kids. By explaining why you’re sorry to your kids, you demonstrate that we need to be held accountable for our action.

Tip #3: Be Affectionate Often

When a child hears phrases like “I love you,” or “How’s it going?” or notices that you stopped what you’re doing when she enters the room and is greeted with a loving smile, it means the world to a child. When you display affection to your kids and other family members, you’re validating to them how important they are to you, which sends the best positive message you could ever deliver.

Tip #4: Teach Problem Solving

When kids are exposed to problems that allow them to be part of the solution, it builds important skills that will carry over into their adult life including how to manage their behaviors.

Although kids crave structure and boundaries, they also love and need to exert their independence. As they grow, obviously they’ll have more opportunities to make more involved decisions, which in turn will aid in their problem-solving abilities.

Tip #5: Teach Behavior During Play Time

Forbid name calling. Compassion starts with what’s acceptable and what’s not. Let him know that being kind to others is the rule and hurtful words are not allowed. If you get involved right away, you are sending an important message that kindness trumps everything and that name calling is not going to happen.

Tip #6: Request Respect

If your kids are taught how to respect themselves and others, they will learn good coping skills for dealing with anger and frustration in appropriate ways that are not verbally or physically abusive to others.

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.

Words Matter

Published on March 15, 2021 by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

“Be mindful of the language you use to describe your children. They will come to see themselves through the filter you design.” – Lori Petro, TEACH Through Love

Words are powerful. Words are especially powerful when said by parents to their children. The words we use to describe our children become a part of their self-concept and their behavior is based on their self-concept. Our actions have deep roots on what we think and how we perceive self. Self-concept has a big influence on our behavior. Behavior pattern decides actions. Stable or unstable self-concept, it is a motivating force in a person’s behavior…It is important at this moment to connect the influence of the words we use to call little ones as ‘dumb’, ‘stupid’, etc. We just casually call and forget, but those words have big impact on little minds. Some school children study below their capacities because they have learned at home and from other members of friend circle to think themselves as dumb.

Children will have a much easier time valuing themselves if they are valued by their parents. Dorothy Briggs, the author of Your Child’s Self-Esteem, says that parents are like a mirror, creating the child’s self-image. We reflect to them who we think they are, and they take it in as the absolute truth. They are not critical of our evaluation of them until they get much older, when the damage is largely done.

The way we ‘frame’ a situation, or a person, heavily influences our interactions. If we consistently see our children as frustrating impediments in that would otherwise be a well-ordered life, then every interaction with our children will be marred by that default view. Such a view promotes a deficit-orientation towards a family. It reduces motivation on the part of parents to help their ‘good-for-nothing’, ‘bratty’, ‘ungrateful’ children. And unsurprisingly, such approach is hardly inspiring for children. They feed off the negativity of parental perception and typically live up to precisely what is expected of them…which is not much.

I understand we aren’t perfect parents, and sometimes something may slip off our tongues that we regret saying. In those instances, apologize and reaffirm to your child your love and belief in him. Positive parenting does not require us to be perfect, but it does require us to be mindful. Be mindful not only of the words you say, but of the thoughts you think. Reframe negative thoughts and purposefully look for and appreciate the positives in your children. Tell them how kind, capable, and wonderful you think they are. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child will never be found under the Christmas tree: A healthy self-concept.

Ways to Address ADHD Parent Burnout

Published on February 24, 2021February 24, 2021 by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

There’s no denying that being a parent can be one of the most rewarding experiences in one’s life, it certainly has its challenging days, weeks and even years. Parents of children with ADHD have additional stressors affecting their day-to-day lives which can no doubt dampen the joys of parenting at times.

If the stress of being a parent to a child with a developmental disorder or associated concern is causing you to feel “burnt out”, remember:

You are NOT ALONE. Parenthood is exhausting at the best of times, and it is not shameful to struggle.
It is important to TAKE A BREAK. All parents need a break from time to time, and it is vital to make time to practice self-care. Go for a walk, go to the gym, listen to music, catch up with friends, have a bubble bath, make time for “date nights”.
If those around you offer to help, SAY YES. Remember it takes a village to raise a child.
Draw upon your child’s “care team”. Talk to their Pediatrician, School Counsellor, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, or even sporting coach. No questions are silly questions. It is always better to have asked about something playing on your mind than to stress about it unnecessarily.
Talk to other parents of children with developmental difficulties – this can help to normalize your experience.
Try and take joy in the small things. Celebrate little wins, and appreciate when your child sings, laughs or smiles.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, if the burn-out gets too much, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.

Positive Things to Say to Kids

Published on February 3, 2021February 3, 2021 by Coach Benjamin MizrahiLeave a comment

Words are a powerful thing. They can tear someone down. They can build someone up. And for children, hearing words of affirmation can literally affect their overall development and perception of who they are and who they will be. Whatever parenting style you follow, using positive words are much more likely to result in a positive outcome. Read on below for just a few things you can say to your little one today! And share this with a friend who might want to see it too!
–
I believe in you.
You are important.
What an amazing listener you are!
You are such a kind person.
I couldn’t have done this without you.
I trust you.
You are very brave.
I love how you can make me laugh!
I am impressed at how responsible you are.
You are loved.

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.