I’m Benjamin Mizrahi, and today I would like to share with you a wonderful strategy that will not just help your children but first and foremost help yourself.
You’re going to learn how to deal with situations where you lose control, where you are tired, where you are totally out of it, bored or happy, present or totally absent.
Yes, I’m talking about the four (4) zones of self-regulation.
So what about self-regulation? What does it mean to you?
Yes! I’m talking to you.
What does it mean for you to be self-regulated?
I’m sure that words like “in control”, “grounded”, “happy”, comes into mind.
Yes! Self-regulation relates to the awareness of our bodies’ needs and emotions.
The state of alertness that is within our control, that is self-regulation.
You can have your own definition, in your own words, and it’s important that you understand what self-regulation means to you.
The zone of self-regulation talks about four (4) different stages or zones.
We have the blue, we have the green, we have the yellow and the red.
I want to start with the blue zone; the blue zone is where your level of alertness is very low. When we are tired, when we are bored… we are in the blue zone.
When we are happy, when we are engaged, and when we are open for learning, when we are flexible, that means that we are in the green zone.
And when we are in the yellow, we feel a little bit frustrated, our level of flexibility deteriorates, and we become less and less patient and unfortunately those moments when we enter the red zone, it’s when we lose control of what we say, of what we do.
Our level of patience is basically zero (0%), we have no patience for those who are around u. In fact it gets worst as long as we stay with them, as long as we continue that interaction. During our time in the red zone, we also become “historical”, in terms of the wrong doings, that these people – directly or indirectly – did toward us.
We’re talking about four (4) different zones, the blue, the green, the yellow and the red. Something very important to remember about the red, we do not end up just in the red zone. Something happens before and that is usually the yellow. When we are in the yellow zone, when we feel that we are getting more and more and more frustrated and less and less and less patient, that means that if are not going to address our needs at that point, we are going to end up in the red zone. And when we are in the red zone, we’re going to say or do things that we will regret.
And you probably remember those times where you felt very much guilty for something that you did at home or anywhere else. Those moments of guilt usually come after you were in the red zone. So when we are getting impatient, getting inflexible, when we become more frustrated with our environment, that means that we are in the yellow zone, and we need to have a plan of action. The plan of action could be as simple as remove ourselves physically from the place that we are in. Go to a different room, maybe take a walk outside if you can, take a shower, that really helps a lot to a lot of people. Go make yourself some salad, dealing with food can be very therapeutic.
So each one of us has different habit but it is very important that we will have a plan of action, meaning that we have at least two (2) or three (3) activities that we can do when we feel frustrated, we get angry, and we feel that our patience is going very low.
Because if we’re not going to address those needs, we will end up in the red zone.
What about the blue? The blue zone means that we are totally out of it, in terms of interest, we are bored, and we are disengaged. When we feel that we are in the blue zone, or the emotions that I’ve just shared with you, it means that our body and mind is signaling us with something.
It could be something that we are worried about, could be that we are procrastinating certain activity or task that is not so pleasurable.
A paper that we need to write or running some errands that we don’t like to do. Something is there and is putting us in the blue zone. We are totally disconnected. Its very important to address those needs, in terms of our emotions, and what kind of things needs to be done, and if it is not pleasurable, you can create yourself a plan of action in terms of what you are going to do and when with certain time limits.
When you are in the green, this is where we want to be, right? The green zone is where we are happy, where we are engaged and ready to learn. When we are in the green zone, we want to connect and be present as much as possible. We want to really create a connection with whoever is around us because in those moments we create memories.
One thing to remember is that we are not supposed to be always in the green zone.
You are not supposed to be always in the green zone! You are a human being and that is why we have the four (4) zones. The blue, the green, the yellow, and the red. And you will find yourself in each one of them, it could be every day, it could be in one (1) hour, it could be in one week but you will find yourself in each one of those stage and you want to have a plan of action for each one of them.
So good luck!