Discipline Your Child with Love Not Fear

Discipline is an important and effective tool but use it in a way that keeps your child’s dignity intact. They need to understand the ways their actions affect other people, and which behaviors others will and won’t tolerate. 

Effective discipline requires guiding and redirecting your child with love, not fear. Here are some tips to help you discipline with love:  

  • Make corrections about learning rather than getting in trouble. Don’t just tell your child not to run around with food in his mouth. Explain why this rule is important. Tell your child that it isn’t safe because they could choke, and that your job is to help keep them from getting hurt. Make explanations short. Kids tune out of long-winded speeches. 
  • Yell less. Try to stay calm. Loving discipline requires us to keep a clear head so that we can talk to our children and reach their hearts as well as their ears. 
  • Teach your child healthy behavior habits. Be pro-active by working with your child to create a daily schedule and a list of responsibilities (including a chore chart). This gives them much-needed structure, and a chance to practice self-discipline by completing necessary tasks. 
  • Model good behavior. The more we model how to respond to disappointment, sadness, boredom, and not getting what we want, the more our children learn emotional discipline.
  • Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Your child may be angry and uncooperative because a playdate just ended. You can say, “I see you are feeling upset because Jack left, but you still need to pick up your train set.” 
  • Never hit, spank, shake, or slap your child. Fear-based discipline simply doesn’t work if you want to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. 
  • Be logical about consequences. Issue consequences that make sense and are appropriate for the situation. And make sure they’re something you’re willing and able to follow through on. 
  • Hug often. Physical affection outside of discipline time is a crucial element of disciplining with love. And if you’ve established a bond of touch in your relationship with your child, it will be more natural to conclude your time of discipline with a reassuring and reconnecting hug. 

We want to inspire our children to gain our approval and that inspiration doesn’t come from fear. Rather, it comes from discipline that is positive and based on a respectful, healthy relationship between parent and child. 

How do you discipline your children with love? 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Help Kids Develop Healthy Self-Esteem

Good self-esteem helps children try new things, take healthy risks and solve problems. It gives them a solid foundation for their learning and development. Parents can promote healthy self-esteem by showing encouragement. 

Use the following strategies to help your child feel good about themselves:  

1. Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will help boost your child’s self-esteem. Every child should believe that no matter what they do—success or failure— their parents still love them and will continue to be there for them.  

2. Help your child to set achievable goals. Work with your child to establish these goals. Begin with goals that are very easy to accomplish. Give your child a taste of success and the confidence boost that goes along with it. 

3. Encourage persistence. One way you can help your child is to set a good example. Demonstrate what it means to persevere. 

4. Give your child choices. This can be as simple as giving them two options for lunch or allowing them to choose which shoes, they wear that day.  

5. Discourage perfection. Your child’s self-esteem will suffer when they realize that they can never be perfect. Show your child that you value effort and progress.  

6. Avoid over-praising. Praise your child for making a good effort. It should be noted that excessive praise has been shown to hurt a child’s confidence rather than boost it. 

7. Allow your child to overhear you complimenting them. A child gets a big boost to their self-esteem when they hear a parent praising them to another adult. Your children are always watching you. 

8. Take good care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself shows your child that you’re important. They will believe that they’re important and should take care of themselves as well. 

9. Be a positive role model. If you’re excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your kids might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem and they’ll have a great role model. 

There’s no doubt that a child with high self-esteem is happier and more confident. Teach your children to love and believe in themselves, and they’ll reap the benefits throughout their entire lives. 
 
 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Set Limit With As Little Emotion As Possible

While totally exasperating, tantrums and pushing the limits signal a leap in your child’s development. ⁠ 
⁠ 
💡 Set your limit with as little emotion (and as few words) as possible. The more matter of fact you can be, the better. Talk in a low, steady voice and be aware of the nonverbal messages you’re sending with your facial expression and body language. Using a kind and compassionate tone can be calming to your child. (And, it’s also a way to soothe yourself during a stressful time.)⁠ 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

6 Ways to Show Faith in Your Child

Prevent Parent Burnout

Parents of children and adolescents who have ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and/or other psychological or neurodevelopmental conditions are at greater risk for burnout due to the challenging nature of these conditions, and particularly when the conditions are not effectively managed. When ADHD difficulties pile up and become overwhelming over time, burnout can accelerate and intensify. 

The key is to acknowledge the need to change, be kinder to yourself and others about these challenges, and start to make adjustments.  The symptoms of burnout can be an invitation to take a new path through the forest. Here are the 10 ways to address ADHD parent burnout. 

  1. Move toward acceptance of ADHD. 
  1. Get support from other parents of children and adolescents with ADHD. 
  1. Stay positive.  
  1. Create a plan to manage stressful and frustrating parenting experiences when they occur in the moment. 
  1. Enhance your self-care. 
  1. Work on improving your relationship with your child or teen. 
  1. Explore if undetected coexisting conditions exist. 
  1. Use more effective parenting skills. 
  1. Obtain and maximize treatment for your child or teen. 
  1. Consider obtaining professional help for yourself. 

Avoiding parent burnout requires real effort. When parents do better, the family improves. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Misbehaviors Are the Clues, Not the Cause

 

When your child is misbehaving and they throw a huge tantrum, not listen, yell, or hit (the list could go on) of course, your instinct is to stop the misbehavior with force, to punish or to yell. I know it’s hard to keep cool in the heat of the moment, I really do. 
 
But misbehaviors are perfectly normal…. However, there is ALWAYS something beneath a child’s behavior that is motivating the child’s negative behavior. 
 
Think of it this way: Your role is not to get your child’s misbehavior to stop, your role is to guide them and teach your children with empathy and connection. 
 
The idea here is to not stop the negative behavior and make their feelings go away but to help your child work through it, manage it, and understand it- with you being there to support them with love and patience. 
 
So, when your child is misbehaving empathize, put their feelings into words, validate, talk through it with them to help them understand it better, and practice expressing big emotions in healthy ways. 
 
But don’t just stop there! During calm moments during the day talk or even play (act out) different situations and how to manage and cope with them in healthy ways. 
 
Your conversation may look something like this: 
 
✅ “It seems like you are feeling frustrated which made you want to hit…I understand that you are mad because your sister took your toy without asking.” 
 
✅ “It’s okay to feel mad and frustrated.” 
 
✅ “I am not willing to allow you to hit your sister. Why don’t you and I go sit over here together and take some deep breaths?’’ Encourage your child to talk about the situation and what they could do next time instead of hitting. 
 
✅ “How do you think your sister feels when you hit her? Yeah…sad, what do you think we could do?’’  You are providing an opportunity for your child to empathize with the other person, and you are encouraging them to apologize without making an apology a demand. 
 
Do you think you could give this a try? 

 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

6 Ways to Show Faith in Your Child

Set Limits with Love Not Fear

Criticism by loved ones is sadly one of the most common problems faced by gentle and positive parents. 
 
Are you ever told to follow authoritarian parenting practices that invoke fear in children? Spankings. Threats of punishment. Solitary time-outs. 
 
Many well-meaning parents resort to and insist on authoritarian parenting because sometimes fear of punishment CAN stop a behavior in the *short-term*. 
 
But in the long run, it can result in kids feeling resentful, seeking revenge, or just feeling discouraged and down on themselves. These outcomes can ultimately lead to some negative behaviors in the long haul. Then, the cycle continues! 
 
Positive discipline is *not* the easy way out. It’s HARD work. 💪🏽 
 
By opting out of bribes, threats, and punishments, we can empower our children to understand the rationale behind positive decision-making. 💞 
 
This takes TIME. ⏰ It takes growing through mistakes. But it also results in fostering an internal motivation to do the right and kind thing.  

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Help Children Learn from Mistakes

Research shows that praising children for their intelligence can make them less likely to persist in the face of a challenge. 

Giving meaningful and specific praise motivates children who are learning from mistakes. Praise should focus on developing their character strengths, helping them understand their internal abilities. It is an opportunity to develop a child’s resilience. 

Here are the ten ways to help your children and teens learn from mistakes: 

  1. Acknowledge that you don’t expect them to be perfect. 
  1. Let them know your love is unconditional, regardless of their mistakes or lapses in judgment. 
  1. Don’t rescue kids from their mistakes. Instead, focus on solutions. 
  1. Provide examples of your own mistakes, the consequences, and how you learned from them. 
  1. Encourage children to take responsibility for their mistakes and not blame others. 
  1. Avoid pointing out your child’s past mistakes. Instead, focus on the one at hand. 
  1. Praise children for their ability to admit their mistakes. 
  1. Praise children for their efforts and courage to overcome setbacks. 
  1. Mentor your child on how to apologize when their mistakes have hurt others. 
  1. Help kids look at the good side of getting things wrong. 

Learning from mistakes and failures isn’t easy. All children need encouragement to learn and succeed. Positive words from parents, teachers, and mentors during difficult learning challenges are essential for children’s growth and development. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband. 

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

5 Questions to Develop Your Kid’s Emotional Intelligence

Kids with higher emotional intelligence are better able to express and control their emotions and handle interactions with others more maturely. ⠀ 

Want to work on emotional intelligence skills with your child? ⠀ 

👉🏽 These five questions are a great way to get started! ⠀ 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

6 Ways to Show Faith in Your Child

Importance of Setting Family Ground Rules

The toddler/kid years are chaotic. They’re messy + loud. BUT we have hacks that can calm the chaos in our daily lives. One of them? Family ground rules. 
 
When we repeat these “ground rules” often, two important things happen: 
 
1. We shape their inner voice: these “ground rules” start to become part of who they are. Each time we repeat these ground rules, our kid is one step closer to becoming a kind, respectful, resilient person. 
 
2. When things do go off track – like, your toddler hits their brother in the face – you’ll have your clear family rules to draw back on and help you hold boundaries. 
 
What ground rules should we start with? For toddlers, we want to stick to things that we repeat often and are important at this age. Here are a few ground rules to practice daily: 
 
– We are kind, even when we don’t agree 
Different opinions/perspectives are part of life! A great way to teach this is to model – have a different opinion with your partner or a friend and show how you can have differences yet be kind/respectful. 
 
– We can feel angry AND be safe at the same time 
All feelings are OK, certain behaviors are NOT ok. Feeling angry? Perfectly healthy. Hitting when angry? Not ok. 
 
-Body Boundaries – We stop rough play/touching when someone says “stop” 
Make it a rule that when someone says “stop” you put your hands up and stop touching them. This goes both ways, so you want to teach your toddler to put their hands up when someone says “stop,” but also teach them that when someone is playing too rough/tickling and they don’t want to? Say “stop!” 
 
Crucial: Follow these guidelines with your toddler! When you’re tickling, etc., if your toddler says “stop,” stop. Put your hands up, and make it known that you – and others – listen to their no! 
 

Family Ground rules are helpful for children to understand what the limits are and what behavior is expected. They are also helpful for adults to prevent arguments with their child and address concerns appropriately in the family. Effective ground rules can promote better communication, autonomy and discipline. However, ground rules are only effective when we make them realistic, achievable rules, stick to them, and give reasonable consequences when the rules are not followed. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Don’t Miss the Joy of Family Life

“Enjoying your child and sharing in the awe of discovering what it means to be alive, to be a person in a wondrous world, is crucial for the development of your child’s positive sense of self. 
 
When we are respectful and compassionate toward ourselves and our children, we often gain a fresh perspective that can enrich our enjoyment of life together. Remembering and reflecting on the experiences of day-to-day life creates a deep sense of feeling connected and understood. 
 
When parents feel pressure in their busy lives, they may often feel strained to keep up with all the details of managing family schedules. Children need to be enjoyed and valued, not managed. 
 
We often focus on the problems of life rather than on the possibilities for enjoyment and the learning available to us. 
 
When we are too busy doing things for our children, we forget how important it is to simply be with them. We can delight in the opportunity to join with our children in the amazing experience of growing together. 
 
Learning to share in the joy of living is at the heart of a rewarding parent- child relationship.” 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

How to Promote Listening Skills in Your Child

Talking and listening to your child holds a lot of importance, as it helps your child build a bond with you and develop his trust. It improves the bonding in a relationship and builds a child’s confidence. 

Listening is not an easy task, as a parent you would be tempted to raise your voice and tell your child he is wrong. Your child may say something that challenges your views or beliefs, or you may hear something that will make you want to change, or it may disrupt what you think. And that is why, it is important to develop listening skills in yourself first, before getting your child to talk to you. And how do you do this? 

  • Use your body language to show you’re listening. For example, face your child and make eye contact. If your child likes to talk while doing activities, you can show you’re listening by turning to look at your child and getting close to them. 
  • Watch your child’s facial expressions and body language. Listening isn’t just about hearing words, but also about trying to understand what’s behind those words. 

  • Build on what your child is telling you and show your interest by saying things like ‘Tell me more about …’, ‘Really!’ and ‘Go on …’. 

  • Repeat or rephrase what your child has said from time to time. This lets your child know you’re listening and helps you check what your child is saying. 

  • Try not to jump in, cut your child off, or finish sentences – even when your child says something strange or is having trouble finding words. 

  • Don’t rush into problem-solving. Your child might just want you to listen, and to feel that their feelings and point of view matter. 

  • Prompt your child to tell you how they feel by describing what you think they’re feeling – for example, ‘It sounds like you felt left out when Felix wanted to play with those other kids at lunch’. Be prepared to get this wrong and ask your child to help you understand. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Ways to Encourage a Positive Self-Concept in Children

Adults play an important role in the development of a child’s self-concept. It takes very young children a lot of growing up before they can picture themselves as separate persons capable of thinking and acting for themselves. 

As children become aware of the adults around them, their parents and teachers serve as models to them. Adults who feel negatively about themselves and express these negative feelings may find children modeling, or imitating, these attitudes and behavior. 

What can parents do to nurture a positive self-concept? 

1. Be mindful of the language you use to describe your children. Do not label them with words such as ‘lazy’, ‘naughty’, ‘aggressive’ or ‘mean’. Instead, look for and point out your child’s strengths. 

2. Provide them with opportunities for success. Give your child age-appropriate tasks she can complete on her own. Having done so will give her a sense of pride and help build a “can do” mentality. 

3. Show your children that you have faith in their goodness and in their abilities. This is a matter of language choice.  

4. Spend time together. A vital part of having a healthy self-concept is feeling loved and valued.  

5. Support your child’s interests. Learn what your child is interested in and support him in mastering that skill or accomplishing his desired level of achievement. Feeling competent and good at something grows a positive self-concept. 

6. Set reasonable rules and enforce them with loving kindness. Your rules should be age-appropriate and clear. It’s important to make sure your child knows that mistakes are a part of life and doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. When giving consequences, keep your child’s dignity in mind. 

7. Help your child to manage his emotions and work out problems. When children learn to solve their own problems, they build confidence and, therefore, a positive self-concept. Learning to manage emotions is key to having the ability to step back from a situation and view it objectively. 

8. Maintain a connected relationship. Knowing that she has you to talk to, that you will listen without casting out immediate judgment and take her feelings seriously, will help her to feel supported, safe, and important. 

9. Give her the opportunity to explore her environment, ask questions without feeling like a nuisance, and engage in make-believe play activities. To nurture curiosity and imagination, allow ample time for free play and exploration. 

10. Acknowledge effort and offer encouragement. As she grows, her own self-evaluation will become important to her self-concept, and she needs to learn how to emphasize her strengths and accomplishments, even if there is no trophy in the end. 

A healthy self-concept is the foundation for the positive development and the over-all well-being of a child. When a child has a healthy self-concept, he sees himself as being loved, loving, and valuable, and that’s what we all want for our children. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog