Author: Coach Benjamin Mizrahi

Think about and ask yourself what memories you left your child with today; was it a happy memory, a sad memory, or maybe even an angry memory? 

Memories happen regardless of what we do. Negative experiences have a particular and lasting power. But parents can counteract that power by attending to the creation of positive memories. 

It’s quite scary to think back at all of the things your children might remember about you…but you can start making positive memories from this day forward.  It’s difficult to erase the negative ones but if you fill your children’s memory banks with many more positive ones then you can at least hope that some of the negative ones will be forgotten. 

By regularly depositing happy, positive memories into our kids’ memory banks, we can ensure that there will be healthy dividends that will last for life. 

5 Ways to Make Happy Family Memories 

1. Notice and highlight positive attributes and behaviors: There are plenty of opportunities to correct, reprimand or discipline a child or teen. If a child is to be emotionally healthy and strong, those times need to be over-balanced with positive comments from those who love him or her. Notice when they have made their best effort and when they have been kind or generous or forgiving. Highlight the times when they share. Show interest in what they are interested in. Paying attention to the positives creates a family atmosphere that nurtures our children’s resilience and shows them how to be a positive force in the world. 

2. Play with your kids: Do whatever you like to do that makes everyone laugh and enjoy themselves. Make that fort with the sofa cushions. Get on the floor and be goofy. Boogie in the kitchen. Go out in the rain and splash in the puddles. When you read to them, make funny voices for characters in the stories. Do such things regularly and often. Happy times with their parents build kids’ confidence and feelings of self-worth. 

3. Make a big deal about little things: Your child sees a bug. Is it just a bug? Or is it a BUG? If you walk by, it’s not memorable. But if you stop to look at it together, comment on how many legs it has, try to get it to hop on a stick, wonder aloud whether it has a family, etc. — well, now it’s a memorable event. To a growing child, there are new and important things happening every day. It’s up to us to notice and to share in their excitement. 

4. Go on adventures: Unusual adventures tend to stand out in people’s memories. That doesn’t mean you have to spend tons of money or go somewhere special (though, if you can afford it now and then, that’s fun too). If done with a light heart and a sense of adventure, almost any activity can become memorable. One mom I know takes her kids with her to do grocery shopping. Each week, one of the kids gets to choose a food that no one in the family has ever eaten before. When they get home, they figure out how to cook it and try it. All this is done in the spirit of adventure and fun. I’d like to imagine that they will do the same thing with their kids someday. 

5. Take time every night to be grateful: It’s too easy to take the positive things that happen every day for granted. A study has shown that people who take the time before bed to write down 3 things for which they are grateful are more optimistic, resilient and emotionally healthy. Create a family journal where each member writes down something that happened during the day that made them feel glad or grateful. The journal helps everyone in the family keep things in perspective. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.  

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog

When your child is melting down, it’s important to realize that they need your support in that moment. 
 
Trying to discipline or teach your child in the midst of a tantrum is only going to frustrate both of you more and escalate the situation. 
 
Wait until your child is calm before addressing any behaviors that might need to be addressed. 
 
Instead of trying to correct your child, the best thing you can do during a tantrum is to support them. 
 
They need your help. 
 
Pause and ask yourself what your child might need from you. 
 
Your child may simply need space and time to express their emotions. When they are too young to do this verbally, this might look like a tantrum. 
 
Your calm, close presence may be just what they need to feel safe and supported. 
 
Your child might need you to help them implement a calming strategy like deep breathing, squeezing a stress ball, or engaging in some other soothing sensory activity. 
 
Your child might need you to keep them safe physically by preventing them from hurting themselves or others. 
 
Over time you’ll get to know your child’s needs and you’ll find it easier to help them through their tantrums. 
 
As frustrating as it can be, you can really build trust and connection with your child when you are able to support them through some big feelings. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Now that kids are home for longer periods of time, it is a wonderful time to teach them one particular executive function skill: Flexibility. 
 
One of the ways to teach kids how to practice flexibility is through playing old school games in therapy (like Operation) 
 
Skills like: ️ 
 
1. Being Adaptable: What do you do when you can’t get that piece out without setting off the buzzer? 
 
2. Learning how to Reset: Now you have set off the buzzer, what do you do next time? What strategy will you use? 
 
3. Re-frame the Problem: What can you learn from this challenge? 
 
4. Get Unstuck: Use a different strategy (since the one you are currently using leads to more buzzing) 
 
5. Develop your Feelings Vocabulary: Use your words, not your behaviors, to express how you feel (“I’m frustrated I can’t get this piece out” or “I’m disappointed I lost the game”). 
 
Then, encourage them to generalize these skills to various situations with different people. 
 
Didn’t know you could learn so much from a game of Operation? 
 
What are some ways YOU have taught your kids to be more flexible? 

How to keep your personal space during Corona time?

We spend much more time at home than ever before. We try to define our workspace and where we work. You want to convey to everyone in your house that you need quiet space.

What can you do?

Use door post or signage like ” Please do not disturb”

I am going to share with you a PDF file, you can stick it to your door and explain to your family. 😊

When no one really disturbs you, feel free to acknowledge them and share your gratitude for following the rule.

You may download the PDF below:

Parents are often entangled amidst a multitude of responsibilities, be it managing household work, jobs, own enterprise, social gatherings and an endless array of items… With so much going around, minds of parents are found plagued by the guilt of not being able to spend enough time with their kids. As a result of this feeling, the question often asked is, ‘how can I find time to spend with my kids? How much is ‘enough’ time?’ 

Why parents must spend time with kids… 

• Children learn what they see – Children are most influenced by what they see around themselves. If parents are to instill good values and ethics in their kids, then there is no-one else better placed than themselves to showcase similar value and belief structure. 

• Strong support system matters. A lot!  – More often than not, children with strong support system in childhood grow up to become emotionally strong individuals to deal with life. This is observed by a Harvard research which quotes “The single most common factor for children and teens who develop the capacity to overcome serious hardship is having at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult” 

• Children’s energy needs right direction – It’s the easiest for a parent to identify key strengths and development areas for a child and guide him/her through the best path in initial years. After all, rarely do we find someone else who will be as committed to the overall development of a child as his/her parents are. 

• Pleasant childhood memories give strength for a lifetime – Good time with parents gives a lifetime of memories to cherish. We often recall our happy childhood memories as those which involve a bedtime ritual of storytelling, dad teaching cycling, playing card games as a family, cooking a meal together and so on. These moments remain precious and strength giving to kids for life. 

Remember this when conscious parenting feels hard. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
Remember this when your friend tells you that sleep training only took a few nights of crying and now their baby is blissfully sleeping through the night. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
Remember this when others tell you that you really need to start using “more discipline” so that your child is better “behaved”. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
Remember this when your family tells you that your child needs to be more independent by now and that you really need to stop coddling them. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
Remember this on the days you feel all alone. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
Remember this, because it is true. It is much easier to build strong, sensitive, empathic, wholehearted, silly, funny, spirited, boundary-pushing, authentic, cheeky children than it is to repair broken adults. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
We know that we have a massive impact on the way our children’s brains develop. Why? Because relationships lay the groundwork for the brains our babies build. We want to lay the foundation for (healthy) mental health, because if we don’t we set our kids up for a lifetime of trying to find their way back. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
It sounds kind of scary. Like a big responsibility. And it sure is! We have a massive responsibility as parents. We decided to become parents so of course it should fall on our shoulders now, not on our children’s later. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
But I like to look at it as an opportunity. We get to change unhealthy generational patterns. And in the process, we reparent ourselves – we become more wholehearted and cheekier and fun-loving and rule-breaking and questioning and authentic people ourselves. And isn’t that what our world needs now, more than ever. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 
So, remember this when conscious parenting feels hard. What you are doing is monumentally worthwhile. 

When you change your relationship with your kids, you are changing family patterns, habits, and narratives.  
 
 
You are saying. I’m keeping the healthy stuff and I’m getting rid of the unhealthy stuff. I’m changing the chapters in my family story. I’m changing the generational and historical narratives. We don’t always have to do it the way we’ve always done it. I am doing things differently for myself and for my kids. 
 
Those decisions change your child, your family, and ultimately the world in which your kids live in. 
 
 
Focus your energy on the right things. Growth is a process, so it doesn’t happen overnight. Expect your child to make mistakes. So, will you. That’s okay.  
 
 
Acknowledge it. Then, focus on changing the relationship, changing your mindset, and connecting in meaningful ways.  
 
 
Stop battling your child into obedience. It obviously doesn’t work.

Your child pushes their sibling down while you’re at a friend’s house, you ask them to apologize, and they say NO and run off. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
You ask your teenager to clean their room and they respond with, I’ll do it when I get around to it, as they close the door in front of you. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If you are feeling heat rise in your body reading this right now, pause. Take a long breath in. Let it out through your mouth while you say, “pbpbpbpbp”.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
As our children grow and discover and desire their autonomy, we can find ourselves in power struggle after power struggle. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
When we set a necessary limit or simple request, and our child responds with a refusal, our desire to be viewed as right or as the authority can push us into a power struggle. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
The desire to be right, to be viewed as the authority, to be respected, and so on are rooted in our egoic beliefs about who we are as a parent and how we “should” be treated by our child. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
In power struggles, no one wins. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Both the parent and child are more likely to raise voices, demand, feel frustrated or angry, all of which are signs of dysregulation. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
So, when you find yourself in a power struggle (where safety is not or no longer a concern):⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Stop⁣⁣ 
⁣
Breathe⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Remember you are the adult!
⁣⁣ 
Again, this doesn’t mean that because we are the adult, we “deserve” to win. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
There is nothing to be won. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
But as adults, we understand and remember that: ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
– We do not need to be “right” and we do sometimes need to set limits⁣⁣ 
– Our children will not always like our limits (this is okay) ⁣⁣ 
– We may not always like our child’s response to our limits (this is okay also) ⁣⁣ 
– If our child is dysregulated because of the limit, we can remain calm in our choice and empathize⁣⁣ 
– When we sense that voice that desires to be “right and respected” we can stop, breathe, and say, ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
“You’ve had enough to say already, the WISE parent in me IS HERE now.” ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
 

Positive attention is the way you show delight in your child and warmth in your relationship through: 

• smiling at your child 
• making eye contact and using caring facial expressions 
• being physically gentle and caring with your child 
• using words to celebrate and encourage your child 
• showing interest in your child’s interests, activities and achievements. 

As a parent, we are pressured to teach our children all the right skills to succeed at school, with friends, and in life. 
 
Teaching our children, the skills they need starts by deeply understanding and connecting with them. 
 
Children connect with us and learn from us in the presence of a patient, empathic, gentle, and securely attached relationship. 
 
Yes, they need boundaries, but they need a relationship with us first. 

Over time, it’s important to give your child more positive attention than criticism or negative attention. If you can give your child positive attention most of the time, your child will have a strong sense of being secure and loved. This will also outweigh those occasional times when you feel frustrated or distracted, or you can’t give your child as much attention as you’d like. 

Begin by validating feelings or showing understanding. Offer a choice when possible. 

Examples: 

• I know you don’t want to brush your teeth, and we can do it together. 
• You want to keep playing, and It is time for bed. Do you want one story or two? 

Kindness is important in order to show respect for the child. Firmness is important in order to show respect for ourselves and for the needs of the situation. Authoritarian methods usually lack kindness. Permissive methods lack firmness. Kindness and firmness are essential. 

Many parents and teachers struggle with this concept for many reasons. One is that they often don’t feel like being kind when a child has “pushed their buttons.” Again, I want to ask, “If adults want children to control their behavior, is it too much to ask that adults learn to control their own behavior?” Often, it is the adults who should take some Positive Time-out until they can “feel” better so they can “do” better. 

Let’s tackle firmness. Most adults are used to thinking that firmness means punishment, lectures, or some other form of control. Not so. Firmness, when combined with kindness, means respect for the child, for you, and for the situation. 

Parents and teachers habitually lecture and make demands. Children often respond by resisting or rebelling. The following kind and firm phrases will help you avoid disrespectful language and increase cooperation: 

• Your turn is coming. 
• I know you can say that in a respectful way. 
• I care about you and will wait until we can both be respectful to continue this conversation. 
• I know you can think of a helpful solution. 
• Act, don’t talk. (For example, quietly and calmly take the child by the hand and show him or her what needs to be done.) 
• We’ll talk about this later. 
• Now it is time to get in the car. (When child is having a temper tantrum.) 
• We need to leave the store now. We’ll try again later (or tomorrow). 

It is no secret that children love new toys. They love Christmas and birthdays because of the multitude of gifts they receive. However, the most important gift any child could receive is the continual presence of his parents in his life. As a parent, giving your time, energy and love to your child is one of the most important things you can do. 

There are individuals who experience the best of the best while growing up. They receive all the latest toys, the new cars, the latest gadgets, yet their parents are rarely home. Their parents don’t bother trying to establish a close relationship. Instead, they try to buy their child’s love. As their children grow up, they don’t have a close-knit relationship. In fact, they rarely speak. Unfortunately, these children learn to grow up without the help of their parents, and now they don’t need their family unless it is for financial means. 

The relationship between parents and children is established at a very young age. Children learn to rely on their parents for everything from changing their diapers to feeding them each meal. Even though parents may work full-time away from the home, they can still be present in their child’s life. They can still do all they can to develop a strong relationship with their child based on love and understanding. Here are a few reasons why presence is more important in your child’s life than the latest and greatest present. 

Children need your example. 

A child’s first school is the home. This is the place where children learn basic skills such as how to speak, walk, use the toilet, hold a fork, etc. Children learn these skills from watching others. Parents set an example for children. If a child sees a parent performing a certain task, the child feels it is also OK to do it. When you are present in your child’s life, you help shape your child into the person you know he can become. Children look up to you their entire lives and your actions speak much louder than any amount of money. Show your children, by your example and your actions, that you want what is best for them. 

Involvement helps build child’s self-esteem. When you are involved in your child’s life, you help him gain confidence and build up his self-esteem. This is important to a child’s mental health. When these feelings do not exist, the child is more likely to be insecure and have feelings of low self-worth. 

A strong relationship builds child’s communication skills. 

When parents are present in a child’s life, they spend more time talking to the child. Whereas, when a child is just given a gift, they are usually by themselves for an extended period of time. Communication with parents is essential for establishing critical skills. Vocabulary, grammar and even basic socializing skills can all be learnt through constant communication between a child and a parent. 

At first, presents may seem like a great way to win your child’s love but they will never take the place of being present. Children grow up too quickly. Don’t let their childhood slip by without being involved and letting your actions show your child how much your care. 

It is great to be informed, to research, to grow your knowledge and understanding, and to parent with intention. Just remember, even with all of that, there are no perfect parents. Everyone makes mistakes, has bad moments, bad days and episodes that didn’t go well. No parent can handle every single parenting challenge with grace, patience and control. 

 
Our ability to manage day to day, hour to hour reflects so many things. How much down time we’ve had. How tired we are. How much we feel supported. How well we’ve eaten. How well our other relationships and adult tasks are going. How many children we have to split ourselves between. The different temperaments and needs of our children. The list is endless. 

 
We’re not here to wave a flag that says because of that – behave however you like, it doesn’t matter. But we’re very much here to remind you today that despite all our best intentions, no one is perfect and everyone messes up at times. Try not to be hard on yourself when you do. Learn from it, repair as best as you can, then let it go and move on. Parenting is hard. You’re doing your best!