8 Things to Try Before You Yell

What else would you add?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Yelling is something many parents struggle with and wish they did less of. Why do we yell? Here are a few possible reasons:⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
👉Old patterns⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
👉Last resort⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
👉Exhaustion⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
👉Overwhelmed⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
👉Unprocessed emotions⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If we are prone to yelling and our child is not responding, it’s possible they’ve developed a defense against it in order to protect themselves. If there is no imminent danger, before you yell pause & notice what you’re experiencing.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Pausing may look like closing your eyes, taking an exaggerated deep breath (exhalation being longer than the inhalation), or walking away.  
 
“I see the drawing on the wall and I’m experiencing some big feelings, I need a break. I will be right back.”⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Then notice what you’re experiencing. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If you’re overwhelmed because your child has destroyed the room – that makes sense.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If you’re angry because your children keep fighting – that makes sense.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
As we make sense of our own experiences we can return to our child and ask a question rather than yell. Or we may reflect on how we would have liked to have been approached when we were little in a similar situation.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Remember to care for yourselves, even if it means three minutes of deep breathing in the morning while you sit alone in the bathroom!⁣⁣ 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Positive Things to Say to Kids

Words are a powerful thing. They can tear someone down. They can build someone up. And for children, hearing words of affirmation can literally affect their overall development and perception of who they are and who they will be. Whatever parenting style you follow, using positive words are much more likely to result in a positive outcome. Read on below for just a few things you can say to your little one today! And share this with a friend who might want to see it too! 
– 
I believe in you. 
You are important. 
What an amazing listener you are! 
You are such a kind person. 
I couldn’t have done this without you. 
I trust you. 
You are very brave. 
I love how you can make me laugh! 
I am impressed at how responsible you are. 
You are loved. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/

How to Support Your Child with Learning Disabilities

Studies show that family involvement plays a big role in getting kids ready to enter school, promoting their school success and preparing them for university. 

Of course, as a parent, discovering that your child has a learning disability can bring on a mix of emotions, from fear that he or she will be labelled as lazy or slow to feelings of guilt or despair. 

If this sounds familiar, here are some tips for supporting your child’s learning. 

1. Learn as much as possible about your child’s disability 

Parents can benefit from conducting their own online search to learning as much as they can about their child’s reading, learning or behavioral disability. 

If parents become familiar with local organizations online or in person, they can participate in workshops, information sessions and support groups. 

If you’re not sure where to begin, try signing up to relevant websites to receive newsletters and joining local groups and parent groups, which can be a wealth of knowledge and connect you to further community services and help. 

2. Collaborate with teachers 

Another thing that can be beneficial is getting to know your child’s teachers before the school year begins and then communicating with them throughout the school year. You can write an introductory letter to introduce yourself and your child. This establishes with the new teacher that you’re an active parent and that you care. 

Introducing yourself creates the opportunity to detail what strategies have worked well with your child so far and get across that you look forward to being involved in your child’s education. 

Be sure to provide all your child’s medical and academic records, as that’s the ‘go-to’ place for learning support specialists and it is imperative that they can read about your child and the diagnosis. 

Let your child be as active as possible by joining the school’s Facebook page, reading the school’s newsletters, attending parent-teacher interviews and participating in any school or community events. 

3. Find out how you can help 

It’s also a good idea to talk to your child’s teachers about what he or she is learning and how you can support their learning at home. 

If there are fundamental or foundational skills your child needs to learn, meet with the class teacher or learning support team from school and learn how to scaffold that learning for your child. 

Many times, learning moves fast at school, and whilst teachers try hard to differentiate a child’s learning at their level, it can only help if parents are prepared to learn what to do and help at home. What greater gift would there be than to work with your child and give them this time? 

4. Provide opportunities for your child to use his or her strengths 

Children with learning disabilities can suffer from low self-esteem, so one way to combat this is to help them focus on and develop their natural strengths and abilities. 

All children have different skills and things they are good at. Some may be good at running or swimming, while others are good at reading or listening; but they should all be allowed to feel good about themselves and their different talents, strengths and skills. 

Try to work together with your child to figure out what they feel good about doing, whether it’s sports, singing, painting or photography, and then provide more opportunities for them to develop these talents, as this can help them build confidence in other areas too. 

 
Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Ideas to Help Improve Executive Functioning in Kids

If a child has Executive Functioning Disorder or delays, it does not mean that all the skills and tasks are negatively impacted. A child may be delayed in one skill or all skills. 

Since there are many other diagnoses associated with EF skills, such as, ADD, ADHD, ASD, and Traumatic Brain Injury, many tend to look at the larger diagnosis and not look through the EF lens. This can lead to missed opportunities to assist a child with gaining independence and confidence. Often a child may be called “lazy”, when in fact they have EF difficulties and are unable to plan out how to do something. 

Here are some great tools to help a child that may be experiencing EF difficulties: 

1. Rationale: When a child learns new skills, provide the rationale behind them or things like planning for the task might feel like a waste of time. 

2. Outline steps: Support the child by defining the steps involved in tasks ahead of time to make a task less daunting and more achievable. 

3. Use aids: Use tools like timers, computers, iPad, or watches with alarms. 

4. Visuals: Prepare visual schedules and review them several times a day. 

5. Provide 2 types of information: Provide the child with written (or visual) instructions as well as oral instructions. 

6. Create checklists and “to do” lists, estimating how long tasks will take. Use checklists for getting through assignments. For example, a student’s checklist could include items such as: get out pencil and paper; put name on paper; put due date on paper; read directions. 

7. Use calendars to keep track of long-term assignments, due dates, chores, and activities. 

8. Improve working environment: Assist the child to organize their workspace and minimize clutter and distractions. 

9. Establish routines to try to consolidate skills and memory of what needs to be done. 

10. Cut and paste projects requiring multiple steps in which they must complete tasks in a sequential manner. 

11. Mind mapping to assist the child to get ideas down on paper strategically. 

12. Games: Planning and problem-solving games such as puzzles or games like ‘Go Getter’ (River & Road game). 

13. Lotus diagrams: Use lotus diagrams with the child to help with structuring thoughts on paper whilst creating clear expectations as to how much to write. 

14. Block building: Get the child to copy block designs from a picture or a 3D model. 

15. Drawing: Draw a picture as a model. Then draw an incomplete version of the same picture and ask the child to finish the picture to make it look like the model. 

16. Practice goal setting with the child (e.g., Help the child to set attainable goals that are well-defined). Break goals down into smaller steps and talk about alternative approaches with the child. 

17. Recall games that require the child to recall information such as Memory: “I went to the shops and bought a…” 

18. Multi-tasking: Practice doing several activities at once (it may be helpful to number the activities) to encourage the child to learn to shift from one activity to another. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

Praise Is Important for Children with ADHD

Praise nurtures your child’s confidence and sense of self. By using praise, you’re showing your child how to think and talk positively about themselves. You’re helping your child learn how to recognize when they do well and feel proud of themselves. 

Giving your child words of praise is like offering him a ticket out of the fear and self-doubt that plague him. 

The key to effective praise, the kind that is transformative rather than simply pleasant — is placement. If you applaud everything your child does, your praise sounds phony and loses its power. If, however, you withhold acclaim for only those occasional moments, you may lose the chance to draw out more from a child than he knew he had in him. 

And what if your child does little to deserve praise? Help him to succeed, to go beyond himself. Praise is especially important for children who have ADHD because they typically get so little of it. They undergo testing and are expected to feel grateful for constructive criticism. 

Children with ADHD carry buried treasures and hidden talents that must be excavated to be developed. Praise is one of the best pickaxes in this important mining expedition. 

A reward is a consequence of good behavior. It’s a way of saying ‘Well done’ after your child has done something good or behaved well. It could be a treat, a surprise or an extra privilege. For example, as a reward for keeping their room tidy, you might let your child choose what’s for dinner. So, when you praise or encourage your child’s behavior and then reward it, the behavior is more likely to happen again. 
 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Strategies for Strengthening Communication with Your Child

Parenting a child with ADD or ADHD is a challenge. Communication is essential and communicating with a child who has attention or sensory challenges can be difficult. Below are strategies for strengthening communication with your child. 

1.Recognize when your child is hearing you and paying attention. Most people require eye contact to know that they’re being heard. However, a child with ADD or ADHD has a mind that is operating at a fast pace. They may not be able to make or maintain eye contact with you. This doesn’t mean that they’re not listening. On the contrary, many children fidget with objects when they’re listening. Pay attention to your child’s cues. 

2. Give them short and simple directions. Children are easily overwhelmed. When you’re teaching them something or asking them to perform a task, give them step-by-step instructions. However, don’t lay out all the steps at once. Give them one or two simple steps and then move on once each step is completed. 

3. Create communication strategies. You may need to get creative when trying to communicate with your child. For example, introduce a ‘listening ball.’ Instruct your child to hold the ball or toss it from hand to hand while they listen to you. You can also use visual cues to indicate what you want or need your child to do. When it’s time for bed, show them a picture of a bed or give them the stuffed animal that they sleep with. 

4. Give them choices. Children learn to quickly tune their parents out, especially when they perceive that you’re talking at them rather than to them. However, when you give your child a choice, it’s easier for them to listen. They often allow themselves to slow down and weigh the choices so that they can make the most appealing decision. For example, when it’s time for bed you might say, “It’s time for bed. Which pajamas do you want to wear tonight – the red ones or the blue ones?” 

5. Use visual aids. Children with ADD and ADHD respond to visual aids. Instead of telling them what they need to do to get ready for bed, create a poster with a series of pictures demonstrating the steps.  

6. Talk softly and remain calm. As you become agitated or raise your voice, it can stimulate your child. This is the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish, especially if they’re already agitated or upset. Speak quietly to your child and remain calm. If they’re throwing a tantrum or are agitated, step away and engage in a quiet activity that they may find interesting. Build a tower with blocks, color, or work on a puzzle. Your calm can and will influence them. 

7. Explain your expectations. When your child knows what is expected of them and what they can expect, they tend to behave better. Rewarding positive behavior also supports future cooperation. 

Raising a child with ADD or ADHD requires some creative parenting. Learn your child’s cues and triggers. Observe their learning style and support that style in your communication. If you’re struggling, join a support group. Sometimes talking to other parents can help you not only cope but you can also pick up some new tips. 
 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Boosting the Self Esteem of a Highly Sensitive Child

Self-esteem is how we each feel about ourselves at any given moment, but you must keep in mind that it’s very dynamic in nature. You can feel like a million bucks when you throw on that new outfit you put together for an interview but feel like a wreck if the interview doesn’t go your way. 

It’s not uncommon for highly sensitive people to try and please everyone before considering pleasing themselves. If a highly sensitive child is always paying attention to what others are saying, the way people react can leave a relatively deeper impression on them. Seeing your child struggle with bouts of low self-esteem can be difficult, but with a little help, you can make a big improvement. 

It’s important to show positive encouragement and support for what your child truly is while accepting them for what they are not. If your child is a great soccer player, it’s important to support them. However, if he/she is constantly struggling with science class, you shouldn’t hold it against them. This constant stream of support and encouragement can provide the building blocks for much-improved self-esteem and overall happiness. 

Sensitive children need to express themselves and successfully master their favorite skill.  Perhaps your sensitive child is particularly talented at playing guitar or skateboarding. Whatever the case is, it’s your job to encourage your child to succeed at what they want and find happiness in doing so. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

How to Handle Backtalk and Disrespect Using Positive Parenting

Children are cute when naughty. A few tantrums, arguments, and yelling occasionally is not abnormal. But if such behavior becomes a daily occurrence, then it is a cause for concern. 

When your three-year-old daughter talks back to you, it may seem funny and adorable. But when your seven-year-old girl shouts out a ‘no’ every time you tell her to do something, it can get on your nerves. If not handled properly, backtalk can lead to arguments between parents and children. 

So, what do you do? 

If your child talks back but follows your instructions, then ignore it. Ignoring backtalk may be okay if the behavior is not threatening or destructive. If the child follows instructions, even though he talks back, appreciate that they did what you asked, even if they didn’t want to. You can then explain that it is okay to be angry, but not okay to speak to you disrespectfully. 

But if the child’s responses are threatening others or self, then you need to pay attention to what they say and handle it carefully. Do not respond impulsively. Let the child calm down and then address what he or she said. Tell them calmly about what behavior is acceptable and what is not. 

Set limits and make them aware of the consequences. Do not threaten, just state plain facts that if they talk back, they won’t get ice cream or go to the movie. For example, tell them if they continue to yell and shout, then they will have to forgo the dinner. However, if they stop shouting and listen to you, then they will get something nice for dinner. Such give-and-take will look less controlling but giving the option to the child themselves. 

Set expectations, but you can be a little flexible sometimes if it makes them happy. 

Finally, take a quick check of how you behave with the kids or others when the kids are around. Are you rude or disrespectful? If yes, you need to start by changing your behavior. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog 

How to Boost Your Child’s Executive Functions

Studies have proven that the child’s executive functions between age 3 and 11 are predictive of physical health and mental health, future earnings, and even marital harmony. 

Bottom line is if you want your child to eventually find and keep a job in the future, be a dependable and happy adult, then you need to care about their Executive Functions. 

Here’s how you can help your child build up these muscles, gaining more control over their ADHD symptoms and taking strides toward independence along the way. 

1. Enforce Accountability 

The problem with ADHD is not with failure to understand consequences; it’s with timing. The first step is to not excuse her from accountability. If anything, make her more accountable — show her you have faith in her abilities by expecting her to do what is needed. 

2. Write It Down 

Compensate for working memory deficits by making information visible, using notes cards, signs, sticky notes, lists, journals, anything at all! Once your child can see the information right in front of him, it’ll be easier to jog his executive functions and help him build his working memory. 

3. Make Time External 

Make time a physical, measurable thing by using clocks, timers, counters, or apps — there are tons of options! Helping your child see how much time has passed, how much is left, and how quickly it’s passing is a great way to beat that classic ADHD struggle, “time blindness.” 

4. Offer Rewards 

Use rewards to make motivation external. It’s best to create artificial forms of motivation, like token systems or daily report cards. Reinforcing long- term goals with short-term rewards strengthens a child’s sense of self-motivation. 

5. Make Learning Hands On 

Using jellybeans or colored blocks to teach simple adding and subtracting or utilizing word magnets to work on sentence structure — helps children reconcile their verbal and non-verbal working memories and build their executive functions in the process. 

6. Stop to Refuel 

Give your child a chance to refuel by encouraging frequent breaks during tasks that stress the executive system. Breaks work best if they’re 3 to 10 minutes long and can help your child get the fuel, they need to tackle an assignment without getting distracted and losing track. 

7. Practice Pep Talks 

Teach your child to pump herself up by practicing saying, “You can do this!” Positive self-statements push kids to try harder and put them one step closer to accomplishing their goals. Visualizing success and talking themselves through the steps needed to achieve it is another great way to replenish the system and boost planning skills. 

8. Get Physical 

Routine physical exercise throughout the week can help refuel and help him cope better with his ADHD symptoms. 

9. Sip on Sugar (Yes, Really) 

The glucose in these drinks fuels the frontal lobe, where the executive functions come from. The operative word here is “sip” — just a little should be able to keep your child’s blood glucose up enough to get the job done. 

10. Show Compassion 

It’s important that the people in their lives especially parents show compassion and willingness to help them learn. When your child messes up, don’t go straight to yelling. Try to understand what went wrong and how you can help him learn from his mistake. 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Focus on Connecting with Your Children

Focus on connecting with, rather than battling, your children. 
 
Start by adjusting your mindset (the real battleground) about parenting and what you thought being a parent was supposed to look like. 
 
As parents, we are pressured to teach our children all the right skills to succeed at school, with friends, and in life. 
 
We are actually able to teach our children all the right skills by deeply understanding and connecting with them. 
 
Children connect with us and learn from us in the presence of a patient, empathic, gentle, and securely attached relationship. 
 
Yes, they need boundaries, but they need a relationship with us first! 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/

Positive Phrases to Use Instead of Stop, No, Don’t

As parents, the way we speak to our children is incredibly important. Words can build kids up, and they can just as easily tear them down. Which is why finding positive things to say to your child matters! 

In a world were saying “no” is a heck of a lot easier than saying “yes”, we need to be especially careful that we use language which demonstrates to our kids that positivity has a higher value than negativity. 

Children imitate what they see and hear. Meaning, they will imitate kindness if kind words are spoken at home. 

Show your child you believe in them by using words of encouragement daily. It helps kids feel supported and loved and gives them a sense of empowerment that will stick with them into adulthood. 

By making a habit of using positive phrases around your little ones you’ll be building their confidence and self-esteem 

Here are the positive phrases to use daily to help them feel confident and loved. 

  •  Let’s remember gentle hands 
    (“No Hitting” “Stop Fighting”)  
  • Outside is a good place for being loud 
    (No Shouting Inside the House!)  
  • Let’s try to breathe through these yucky feelings 
    (Calm Down, Stop Crying, No Whining)  
  • Let’s use kind words, please  
    (Don’t say that, don’t talk like that)  
  • Shoes are for your feet, remember? 
    (Stop throwing your shoes around the house)  
  • Why don’t you ask if you can use it when he is finished or You really want to play with that, don’t you? What could you say to her instead?’ 
    (No fighting!)  
  • It’s windy outside today, let’s check the weather and see if tomorrow is good to take a walk 
    (No, we can’t walk today) 
  •  Your toy car will be waiting for you at home when we are all finished with our grocery shopping 
    (No, you can’t bring your toy car)  
  • Let’s play at the park a different day, today we have so many other things we need to get done and I need your help! (No park today) 
  •  Remember to walk in the house, please 
    (No running in the house!) 
  •  If we eat all the popsicles in one day, there won’t be any left for tomorrow. And if you have too many, your tummy might get sore! Let’s save some for tomorrow.  
    (No more popsicles)  
  • There are a few more things that we need to do before we can watch a show, let’s go do them now and I’ll put on your favorite show right after.  
    (No TV right now)  
  • Are you feeling frustrated when the boxes fall? How can you solve this problem? 
    (Stop crying, they are just boxes) 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

Not Every Emotion Needs an Explanation

A gentle reminder: ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Not every emotion needs an explanation. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
It seems fitting after two days of sharing scripts to share this reminder. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words are helpful and if we are consciously engaging with our child and ourselves, scripts can help us understand the framework from which we want to parent and shift our mindset. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
And yet, words can also be our crutches. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words can be what we use to prevent us from engaging with what is happening in the present moment.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Words can keep our anxiety at bay.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
If we are predominantly left-brained, words and logic are what feels comfortable and safe.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
We want to understand, rationalize, analyze, and get to the root of our child’s emotions.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Naming the emotion.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Validating the emotion.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Trying to help our child uncover the root of the emotion. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
All very valuable! ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
But we may miss the opportunity to teach our child another valuable lesson: emotions are not a part of us, we can experience them, notice them, and let them go.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
While this language is too sophisticated for a toddler, the goal is integration. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Integrate the left and the right brain. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
As parents this means that our presence is more important than any words we share with our child.⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Empathy is communicated by our presence and body language, not only our words. ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
When your child is experiencing an emotion, pause and notice: ⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
How is your breathing?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What facial expressions are you communicating?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What are your body movements communicating?⁣⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
Worth noting: if we are predominantly right brained and tend to get stuck in our emotions or our child’s emotions, integrating the left-brain or logic and reason is the goal. ⁣ 
⁣⁣ 
What about you, are you predominantly left ⬅ or right ➡ brained? 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband.   

More articles on www.MrMizrahi.blog  

https://mrmizrahi.blog/2020/10/01/6-ways-to-show-faith-in-your-child/